Dearest Kally,

I’ll go straight to the point. I’m someone who is diagnosed with a clinical depression. While I don’t want to go into details on my illness, I do identify my need to seek help.

I lost my job a year ago due to my depression. My boss and coworkers think that I am a liability to the company because my frequent need to go for therapy as well as my absence from work when I can’t cope with the stress of stepping out of my house. I really hate myself for having this illness but I know it can’t be helped. It would help if the people around me can show a little bit of understanding.

My current job (which I got it from a friend who is not aware of my depression) is a blessing. The workplace is just a few streets away and on a good day, I can walk to work easily. It makes my anxiety much more manageable since I know I’m just a few minutes away from home. However, since I have started the new job, I stopped my therapy sessions. I couldn’t explain my need for regular time away from my work.

I thought I’ll be alright without therapy and just rely on my meds. But last month, my anxiety attacks came back with a vengeance. I blacked out twice at home, both times I was lucky to have someone else with me who knows what to do. Now I constantly living on tiptoes, worrying that I will have the same thing while at work. It sure didn’t help that my colleagues kept asking why I am so jittery for the past one month.

Due to my experience at my last job, I really don’t want to be honest and come clean anymore. I was totally honest and open with my last employer, only to be judged and ridiculed at times, passed over promotions and even labeled as irresponsible once. I truly felt I was at last free from my illness when I hide it and pretend to be a normal person. You see, even pretending to be normal for 8 hours for me is a relief. Now the farce is soon to be tore down and reveal that I’m a liar and a weakling.

I really don’t know what to do. The thought of quitting my job has come across my mind a few times. Anything better than confrontation, right? Please help.

Your Truly,
Deanna A


Dear Deanna,

Big hugs. I can’t tell you how I understand what you are going through because I can’t put myself in your shoes. But I can definitely say that your ex-boss and coworkers are selfish and narrow-minded for judging you based on your illness and not on your work itself.

Companies can do a lot more to help to integrate these individuals into their workplace. Whether it is educating the entire workplace on depression or introducing flexi-scheme such as allowing the individual to replace one hour time off with another extra hour worked on a different day and work from home when the individual is unable to get out of their homes. Everything is possible if only, like you said, shown understanding towards your condition.

While I understand that your bad experience with your previous boss has to lead you not wanting to open up to your current boss, it is still a good thing to try to have a chat with him or her. Instead of taking time away, how about asking if you can arrange your work schedule so that you can come in early and leave early, vice versa. Or even offer to make up your missing hours by working on Saturday?

Instead of avoiding the inevitable, try to have a talk with your supervisor to show that you are genuinely wanting to be a contributor to the company and not a liability. When you actively display that you are going to make this work and not hide behind your illness or using your depression as an excuse for nonperformance, people will appreciate your efforts and even applaud your bravery. Quitting your job equates to running away. Eventually, you’ll still face the same issue when you land a new job.

You hate being judged. So don’t judge that your new boss and coworkers will despise you before you open up to them. And should anyone judges you because of your condition, it’s on them, not you.

Best of luck and do drop an email to let me know how it goes.

Thank you.

Regards,
Kally@MiddleMe.net


Looking for career advice to help you advance? Write to me at Kally@MiddleMe.net or these past bits of advice may help you:
A Word Of Advice: I’m Scare Jobless
A Word of Advice: Don’t be Scare of Change
A Word of Advice: Blackmail!

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27 replies on “A Word Of Advice: I Hide My Depression

  1. Hi! O Kally? This is amazing how I am led to read your posts at the most appropriate time to put my two cents in. I must respond to this precious brother with HOPE= the evidence of things not yet seen.

    Hung on, my brother! Cheer up! There is a mighty solution to the problem–a permanent one! I bear in my soul that mighty solution.

    Yes! There is a great need to seek for help not only for our mental circumstances, but! For all our inharmonious circumstances in our lives. Hahaha! I spent my life minus the last 10 years searching for that help in this world to no avail.

    Even so? Miracles do exist. The fact that I am writing this with 100% certainty is in fact a miracle. Why not? As an over-comer of Manic Depression-Bipolar – Schizophrenia the evidence of a miracle is a fact. Why?

    Long story already published. Briefly, as this brother? After 12 years of pills and therapy? I as well dropped. Rushed to the emergency at the point of death!

    Discover, I had been miss-diagnosed since 1962-2017, but the worst? When I consented to the Chemical or pills therapy.

    What happened to me in 2017? The miracle that must happen in each individual life of the chosen human beings in this world.

    One by one? We chosen are connecting. Such the reason for my response to my brother.

    Indeed! We do not need pills or therapy. We need love and understanding, but! There is only ONE Who can fully love and understand each one of us individually.

    The Father/Creator of our beings is the only One Who holds the key for our health restoration. The Father/Creator is real. He lives in our hearts, but! As a rule? We human beings ignore Him.

    Therefore? We suffer, but! That suffering is now coming to an end.

    The Plan Of Restoration To The Original Intent For Our Creation Is In Effect —To Be Loved. To Love. Your Cherish Family O Mighty One? Forever To be!

    BEHOLD! THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE & WISDOM FROM ON HIGH DRENCHED UPON US ALL. IT NEVER FAILS. IT ALWAYS AVAILS!

    That love availed me even when I ignored my Father practically all of my life. That love avails me now with each breath that I take. (Even my fear of roaches? CONQUERED! hahaha!)

    My hope? The Father/Creator reaching all hearts. Such is His purpose for this response. Much love, thia. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think you give sound advice, Kally. I can sympathize with Deanna as I’ve struggled with anxiety and to a lesser degree depression. It’s hard if you don’t have an understanding boss. You want to pull your weight but sometimes your brain works against you. That is why you need to have a boss who works with you. Hopefully you and your boss can be flexible so you can attend therapy. Quitting without trying to resolve issues will just cause more problems and your illness will keep undermining you if you let it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sean for the understanding and thoughtful advice. It’s difficult all around when you don’t have an understanding boss, worse so when you have an illness. I hope that this post will prove that many are not alone on this path.

      Like

  3. To Deanna: Could you possibly arrange it so that most of your therapy sessions occur before or after work? And as Kally suggested, do you have the option to telework (work from home) once or twice a week? I have an ankle where I’ve have three surgeries on it and I now have a reasonable accommodation to telework twice a week. I must admit, it wasn’t always easy since on several occasions I did have to provide a lot of paperwork from the doctor to prove it. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Pamela for the practical advice. I do know for a fact that most of her therapy sessions has to be during the day. She’s trying to see if she can switch to another center that has weekends therapy.

      Like

  4. WHY God permits such burdens is a mystery; but one than can be solved.

    Life by God’s in tent is a LIFE-TEST; each us, sooner or later will have a heavy cross to carry; if we carry it without complaint and offer it up either for ourselves or others; God is GLORIFIED and we are sanctified {receive grace}

    If with just B…. and complain about it God is STILL Glorified for having give us the opportunity, BUT we lose out on the grace opportunity.

    I have a small crucifix here on mu desk that say’s”I CAN DO ANYTHING THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME”

    Miracles can happen as attested to by the one respondent. BUT the KEY, I think is not to JUST pray for a miracle; but to always pray: THY WILL, not my will be done.

    The advice you shared was RIGHT ON, the burden of deception is, I think, greater than the burden of TRUTH.

    Deanna, I’ll pray for you,
    Thanks Kally, another prudent POST,

    Patrick

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Patrick for your generosity and your prayers again. Sad to say, our world is imperfect but it will be a better place if everyone start thinking of others and not themselves only.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I believe you gave solid advice, dear Kally. However, unfortunately, not all companies are that understanding. Maybe Deanna could look for online help, fortunately these days that does exist too and it’s more easily to schedule around work-hours.

    Don’t give up, dear Deanna. You do matter and I believe you can control more, than you might think you can 😉 Sending you an encouraging big hug. Kind regards, Patty

    Like

    1. Yeah, you’re right about not all companies are supportive. I do hope her current company is because I have heard a great deal of good benefits from that company. Finger cross for her.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. No shame in the game. Thank you for brave and speaking out about your experiences. I did the same on my you tube channel, Conversations with J. R. the reason why I opened the dialogue about mental illness because to all of the foolish comments people made when Kate Spade took her life. Keep speaking out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your beautiful encouragement. Your comment is benefit Deanna a lot and perhaps you can share the link to your YouTube channel so that many more people can benefit here.

      Like

  7. Thanks    for accepting and following my blog.

    I’m available to read your post at my convenient time.

    You have such an interesting topic I will love to read in
    your blog.

    I still remain  the simple blogger…..

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you! I appreciate your thoughtful response.

        Such an awesome way of replying someone. Thanks. Again
        As always your posts are incredible and I enjoying reading every word down till the last line. I must say that you are probably one of the excellent bloggers on WordPress that write inspired
        Writing/post

        Also, I just posted: OSCILLATION
        Would love to know your views. Love to see your contributions on it. I’m always excited for your comment. 🙂

        You are welcome

        #PATRICKSTORIES
        Peace ✌and Love ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi

    Thank you. I am happy to see your  writing. It gives me a thoughtful thinking and am  happy for that. That is always my intention to see a post that gives me happiness.

    Am happy  to share at least a part of that happiness and love here as am  writing now.

    What you said in your post  is true, sometimes just a drop of that magical post in your blog  is enough to get a person to be happy.

    Well, If I wish to be happy is inevitable to keep the vibes flowing.

    Cheers,

    PATRICK

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you! I appreciate your thoughtful response.

        Such an awesome way of replying someone. Thanks. Again
        As always your posts are incredible and I enjoying reading every word down till the last line. I must say that you are probably one of the excellent bloggers on WordPress that write inspired
        Writing/post

        Also, I just posted: OSCILLATION
        Would love to know your views. Love to see your contributions on it. I’m always excited for your comment. 🙂

        You are welcome

        #PATRICKSTORIES
        Peace ✌and Love ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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