*As told to Kally by someone who wishes to remain anonymous

Pregnancies are supposed to be joyful and a blessing. As I stared down at the pregnancy test, I don’t feel happy at all. This will be my 5th pregnancy.

Six years ago, I graduated with a summa cum laude at one of the prestigious schools in the country. Straightaway, I was wooed by big companies with big names and equally big pay packages. Armed full of career goals and dreams, I can now finally set gears towards my passion and pay off my hefty student loan.

6 months into my new job, I easily passed my probation. The only thing that slightly marred the delight was us finding out I’m pregnant. Without a fuss, I got married to my high school sweetheart. Marriage was already in the talks and we would have gotten married in a few years anyway.

What I didn’t anticipate was how difficult my pregnancy was. I had it bad. Very bad.

During my 1st trimester, I was admitted to the hospital 4 times. After my last admission, my gynaecologist put me on bed rest at home for the rest of my pregnancy. My mom had to quit her job and flew over to take care of me because I couldn’t even manage to get out of bed on my own to the toilet without puking all over myself.

Together with the mandatory bed rest and maternity leave, I was away from work for almost a year. My company had to hire a temp to cover my duties. My manager came by to visit a couple of times and so did my HR. I could barely make 15 minutes of small talk before I had to puke my guts out again.

With my mom taking care of my newborn daughter until I find a suitable daycare arrangement, I was looking forward to going back to work finally. And then, into the second week back at work, I found out I was pregnant with my second child.

This time around, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes. This wasn’t an easy pregnancy either. I was going in and out of the hospital so much that my husband joked that we are lucky that we lived just two blocks from the hospital. I wasn’t pulling my weight at work. My gynaecologist ordered bed rest again for 6 months.

The temp that was covering my duties? She was offered to stay permanently, sort of an assistant to me. We tried the work-from-home arrangement with my office so I can do my part at home in bed but I ended up stressing myself too much that skyrocketed my blood pressure, putting myself and my unborn child in danger.

I don’t have to tell you that this same story repeated for my third and fourth pregnancies. In all 6 years, I don’t think I have worked for more than a year in total.

By my fourth pregnancy, the temp has taken over my role. My HR said that whenever I come back to work, I will need to be reassigned to a different department and different team. I may or may not have the same job but at least, I’ll have a job.

I am counting my lucky stars that my company is a huge slicker for being decent to their employees otherwise, I probably would have lost my job.

What I couldn’t face was that judgey looks that I get from my colleagues and manager whenever I’m back at work. Both me and my husband are pro-life so as much as the pregnancies are unplanned, we love our growing family and have accepted each new member with joy and love.

My parents have permanently moved next door to us so they can help out with our 4 babies. We have hired a trustworthy and efficient nanny to come in for a few hours every day so as to give my parents a break.

I know what people are saying behind my back. That I’m a freeloader, I rake in huge salary by lying in bed at home. That I’m a cow who can’t stop giving birth. All these nasty remarks and name-calling hurts. I believe I’m only getting 10% of what was said about me since I’m not in the office most of the time.

Now I’m back in my job for the last 5 months and I found out that I’m pregnant again. I can’t help but feel desperate and despondent. Maybe this is a sign that I should quit my job. Maybe a career is never meant to be in my cards.

I dread the most is seeing the look on my manager’s face when I tell him. Wish me luck!

*As told to Kally by someone who wishes to remain anonymous

Whisper gives us a peek into someone’s work life, for more stories, these may interest you:
Whisper: I Am An Office Diva
Whisper: I’m In Love With My Student
Whisper: The Thing that Destroy My Social Life and Almost Kill my Career

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35 replies on “Whisper: I’m Pregnant for the 5th time”

  1. To whom ever it maybe count it all joy! Bless God for those 5 bundles of joy He has bestowed with you for there are many who are struggling to conceive those little one’s. Thank Him for the help & support you have received thus far and I pray that this pregnancy will be a successful, safe and happy one in Jesus name! _ Tammy ❤ God bless….Kally do forward this to her please thank you, and thanks for sharing! Blessings & love! 🙂

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  2. In as much as i had resigned from work permanently after having 4 kdis i would be bias to take on the other side of the wheel so to say…but i love how your letter sender Kally, has showed her resilience and positivity …that in the end she was able to resolve it by realizing maybe the corporate world is not for her…

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  7. Hmmmmm, might it be the God was trying to tell her what He WANTS, is more important that what “she wants?”

    With all of her talents; could it be that being a MOTHER was the greatest? Hmmmm

    There is no such thing as coincidence, luck or happenstance; only Divine Providence (which means God Is in charge even if we preferred that He wasn’t)

    Sometimes (for all of us), our pride gets in the way of our logic.

    I pray God will bless this lady, and guide her to where and what He knows is best for her and her family.

    Let us pray,
    Patrick

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  8. Take heart and gather your courage for this new bundle of joy you are blessed with. It’s a difficult choice to let go of what you have achieved, but motherhood is one of the most challenging jobs on this planet.
    As a parent you are guiding the development of each child’s personality, teaching them how to be a great human being and encouraging their dreams. Perhaps what you learned can be applied in the realm of being a great mom. Raising the minds and soul’s of tommorrow has more challenges that bring much greater rewards. May your day be blessed.

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  11. Bonjour Mon Amie KALLY
    Ce jour un petit bonheur passe chez toi

    Un petit bonheur c’est dès le réveil
    de pouvoir se lever et de pouvoir marcher
    C’est d’entendre le chant mélodieux des oiseaux
    qui expriment leur joie pour ce jour nouveau
    C’est de voir le soleil pointer à l’horizon
    dont les chauds rayons feront bientôt éclore les bourgeons
    Un petit bonheur c’est le rire d’un enfant
    qui nous transmet sa joie d’être là
    Un petit bonheur oui un petit bonheur
    C’est d’avoir un ami avec qui partager
    les joies et les soucis quelquefois rencontrés
    C’est aussi d’admirer un joli paysage
    et savoir apprécier le rythme des saisons
    Tous ces petits bonheurs qui croisent notre chemin
    il faut les attraper, savoir en profiter
    car en leur compagnie la vie est si jolie !
    un petit bonheur un petit bonheur pour toi pour toujours
    Amitié , belle journée ou soirée
    Bisous Bernard

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  13. It’s so sad when an event that should be a joyous accomplishment turns into a frantic crisis. It’s wonderful that your company has been so understanding, since the worst of the complications were well beyond your control. I hope you find a way forward that is rewarding rather than painful, though that’s quite a dilemma. Wishing you strength! 💓

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