*As told to Kally by someone who wishes to be anonymous
Wait a minute…. I know what you think. You’re thinking I’m some sick paedophile, aren’t you? The student in question is a 35 years old lady and she is in my master class. Yes, I’m a university professor confessing that I have fallen in love with one of my students.
Now we have made ourselves clear, please allow me to bare my secrets off my chest. I have noticed her for a while and while I have a strong persistent tugging feeling that doesn’t go away in my heart, I dare not take any action to remedy the situation. For one, it will create an awkward situation between both of us if she rejects my advances. I don’t want her to think that whatever grade she’s getting is a direct result of my love for her.
Another reason is that I will get the sack from my university if I even made a move on her. It is a strict regulation at my workplace that we are not supposed to date our students. In fact, we are even discouraged from getting too close to our students and we must at all times, maintain a certain invisible distance from them to distinguish between a student and teacher roles.
I come from a very humble family background and both my parents are immigrants to the country. My father struggled to put me and my brothers through school. While my siblings chose a lesser path for themselves and embroiled in crimes, I came out, not unscathed but fight my way through to where I am today. Teaching is in my blood and I love teaching, standing in front of open minds, discussing and debating topics after topics on subjects and theories closed to my heart. Am I ready to throw away it all for this lady? I’m not sure, to be honest.
It may seem to be I am finding excuses on not telling her how I feel but our gap is more than just teacher-student relations. I know from sources that she is a widow, having lost her husband in the Afghan war. She has a son and a daughter. And she is leaving the country to join her mother in Italy at the end of this year. She has already applied to transfer all her standing credits to a local university there so I know for sure she has prepared to relocate. As such, am I selfish to throw a curveball in her life, disrupting her readymade plans?
We are not teenagers anymore and as our age increases so did our responsibilities. I contemplated if she does accept my feelings and we enter into a relationship, it can only be a long distance one as she part for Italy. I have my ageing father to take care of and I know he will not want to move out of his comfort zone in his remaining years.
I know I may have think way too much but it is so hard not to do so when so much is at stake here – my job, her move and our differences. Close friends have advised me to forget her, wipe out her face from my memories and I probably will once she moved out of the country – out of sight, out of mind, I suppose.
Some days I dread going to class because I know I can see her, so near yet so far, the yearning only makes it worse. Some days I can’t wait to get to class so I can be near her. I know I have only a few weeks to make up my mind about her before she leaves for good. I know it boils down to me. Until then, sleepless nights await me.
Best things in life are meant to be shared, start spreading MiddleMe around, after all, sharing is caring.