*As told to Kally by someone who wishes to be anonymous
Or you can call me the office bitch. I’ve been in my company for 10 years and I’m loving every single minute of my work. In fact, I relish my working hours and I always miss my company when I’m on a long holiday. Can’t wait to get back to work!
An ideal employee? Haha. Rather because I’m afraid my throne will be usurped by others. You see, I am in command, I’m the office diva. In another context, I’m the school queen bee surrounded by my clique. Yes, I do have a clique at work. 3 of my colleagues from different departments. They are my eyes and ears as well. But they wield as much power as I do.
You see, I’m the top boss’s personal assistant. Meaning I know every ‘in’s and ‘out’s of the company. I know when someone is going to be fired or promoted, I control who gets to see the boss and at what time, I can either throw out your appointment or schedule you to see the boss when he is in the best mood. I can screw up your proposal by shredding it or place it strategically in front of his desk. But I know, single-handedly I don’t really frighten anyone, that’s where my clique comes in.
Lisa who has control over booking of travels decides if you fly in comfort or stay in a shitty hotel. Janet who is under recruitment, can assign the best interns to your team or conveniently overlook your need to increase manpower. Denise who works in the Claims Department has the power to deny and reject your claims. Alone, we probably can’t do much damage but together, we have pulled off a few strategically placed revenge on people who piss us off.
We have gotten a few fired or resigned, some of them into big trouble with their bosses or clients. You probably hate us because you’ll think we are bullies. I like to think I’m protecting myself. In the business world, it’s all about surviving the nasty world. And I do it by being nastier.
I don’t know if my boss knows about us being such bitches, I’m not afraid even if he does. He can’t keep his pants up and has a thick little black book of mistresses that I often have to send flowers and presents on his behalf. In addition, he depends on me to fend off those ladies that lost his favour. Sometimes, I do take pity on those girls who tearfully begged me to transfer their calls to him or tell them where he will be at in the next hour. See, what I said about being nasty? I’m not the only one.
I have no regrets or remorses, creating problems for others at their workplace. If they are so good in the first place, I couldn’t find a loophole and trip them up. It’s usually the lazy ones, the backstabbers, the slackers that we target but basically whoever crossed any one of our paths.
Just like the sales manager Dave who tried to date both Janet and another girl in a different department. So his flights are booked to fly at midnight or on weekends, he stayed in poor shabby hotels, miles away from his clients’ offices. His travel claims got rejected twice in a row because of minor spelling mistakes. Or the girl, Selene who said the wrong thing during a meeting about Denise and after the year ends, she found herself contract not renewed on time, impacted her employment permit and had to leave the country for 3 months before a new permit can be sorted out. Meanwhile, it means 3 months of no salary.
I know that people in the office don’t like us, particularly me. They think we like to mess things up and create office politics but I like to think I’m protecting myself at work and who needs their acknowledgement anyway. I know I don’t.
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