Dear Kally,
I have a lot of anger and disappointment in me right now. So much so I can’t wait to throw in my resignation when tomorrow comes. But I can’t because I still have my house and car loans to pay off. I can’t be beaten back to square one by some jerk who refuses to open his bloody eyes and see my talent.
I have been in the IT line for years. Years, I tell you, years! My boss’s probably sucking his thumbs when I first started out. But after slaving for this company for 10 years, they did not even give a hoot what I think. I was given a major project and a team of young mates under me. Through tears and hard work, the major project had a breakthrough last quarter, bringing the company tons of profits. After being in the same role for the past 5 years, I thought it’s overdue for a promotion and I explicitly expressed this to my boss.
So last month, one of the older guys in our department retires and I was hoping to step into his position. Instead, a young punk who only worked here for two years got the position. To make matters worse, my boss assigned me under him after I barged into his room, demanding an explanation. His only excuse was that there are more I could learn from the new boss! What the….!
Everyday is a torture now. I don’t know how I am going to talk to anyone. And right now, no one joins me for lunch anymore because they say I’m too negative for them.
Should I just up and go somewhere else?
Kennedy C*
Dear Kennedy,
Woah, dude! You need to calm down. Take a deep breathe and we’ll dissect your situation together, alright?
First of all, don’t be hasty to throw in the towel. You’re not about to surrender just because of a loss of a position. You must have love what you are doing and where you are in order to have stayed at the same company for 10 years! That’s no small feat. So don’t throw all away because of anger.
Speaking of anger, you do need anger management. I’m only hoping that you are venting on email to me and the truth is that you are a much gentler friendlier person in real life. By barging into your boss’s room, you have already proven to him and the rest of your department why you are not the right one for the new role.
You have no right to demand an explanation from your boss why someone else was chosen for the role and why you are transferred under him however, I believe if you were to ask nicely, putting it across the question as if you want to learn what you are lacking in, your boss might tell you or even guide you on the improvement areas.
It may seem that you might have scorned your bridges, however, there is still hope if you are willing to change. Show your bosses that you are ready to embrace a new team and a new leader. What you have is experience, use that to assist your new boss in achieving the team goals. Instead of moaning on what you have lost, focus on what you can gain in front of you.
If you find my suggestions too hard to swallow, then a different environment might suit you better. But do remember, if you bring your negativity and your temper to the next company, you might encounter the same situation again.
Regards,
Kally@MiddleMe.net
MiddleMe 
I’ll give my two cents here. I’ll beg your indulgence here Kally.
I’m a manager in one of my country’s top HMOs and I see this situation happen a lot. Talented guy with plenty of tenure passed over for a management position. Without looking at other things, I’d have to agree with your boss.
First off, you have to understand that being a manager is not just a position, but also a matter of skill. Specifically, managerial skill. What most people don’t understand is that by itself, managerial skill is a separate skillset. For example, sales people are excellent in a particular skill, selling. In the same way, managers should have excellence in managing. In fact, top sales people often make bad managers, simply because they do not have the requisite managerial skills.
Maxwell’s situation tells me that he is a great performer in his area of expertise, IT. However, from the looks of it, he might need sprucing up in the managerial skills department.
Maybe it so happened that the new guy has those managerial skills that maxwell doesn’t have.
So my suggestion is to learn those managerial skills and try again.
Cheers! 🍻
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I just realized that I got the name wrong. Who the heck is maxwell.
My apologies to Mr. Kennedy.
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Haha.. I’m sure he won’t mind after the long advice you gave him there. I’ll make sure he take note of that.
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True wisdom my friend.
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This issue is global, no doubt about it. But I think there is bit amount of emotional attachment to it also (correct me if I’m wrong). Those who have spent years in their field and had gained valuable experiences feels like a caged bird when young one’s, new blood and may have new set of tools under his/her belt, show up on their desks as boss.
I also thinks this case is just not limited to professional life. People like Mr. Kennedy will show the same behavior when they go back to their homes at day end. That is more catastrophic.
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Yes, I believe that it happens everywhere. He needs to look at what is missing here. Is it purely bias or is it he is lacking the skills?
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Seems to me like lack of skills which lead to an act of bias.
If I don’t possess certain skill required for a job, then who would hire me?
Mr Kennedy should sharpen up his skill set. That’s the only way to stay afloat in the ocean.
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True honest words. I totally agree.
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Mine, O Mine! Where did you get such wisdom at such a young age? Now, 🙂 a word of advise to you, young Kally, from an old ‘wise one’, Don’t let it get to your earthly brains. Remember ALL good gifts come from above not necessarily because we deserve such gifts.
Indeed! Those gifts come from the merciful hand of our Loving Creator and as good as those gifts are, those are not always ‘good’ as we define ‘good’.
Sometimes, we are showered with good gifts like wisdom, and, sometimes? Gifts of suffering to learn obedience by the things we suffer should we let our good gifts get to our earthly brains.
Even so, I might be speaking to the choir while they are still singing. I take it your wisdom is a product of experience?
I really enjoy reading your posts. I do not comment at times because, I got other things in my mind & heart other than the earthly concerns of this world that we inhabit. Soon I will finish with the blogs of blogs to delight if no one else, my own conceited self! HaHaHa!
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Thanks a lot, Thia. You have a beautiful soul. I have finished reading your book and it’s well written. I love how you mentioned my friend Ngobesing!! He is such an inspiration to everyone. I always look forward to his posts.
Great work you have done here!
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Alright! Let’s get to work! Really? It feels that I am procrastinating but, it is not so.
I am , actually, sitting still & waiting on Father to lead the way.
Right now I am up to my crown. I’been inspired to take advantage of the amazing 2015 Dreamweaver program to create a (professional?) responsive web site.
I am doing great with it. I am truly enjoying the task. Only thing is, I am so engrossed that I forget the time until, my belly says, “You have not eaten today, how about cooking up something?” So, I reluctantly head to the kitchen whip up something, put it on the stove then, come back to my task until … I smell the scorching! ha ha!
The focus right now is in my new blog, it shall be titled Life and Death based on the next book, Dying in the Present Living in Eternity. Just you wait! All things are working together for our good! Later!
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Perhaps we should go to the root of the problem which is the inability to control ones temper. I have the same problem as well. I may not shout and yell but I become angry and my face changes and I become moody. I should learn anger management that will come in vey useful in order to enjoy life. I am still struggling with my negative feelings. Religion could be a way of suppressing and controlling anger. Motivational talks from renowned personalities could be researched and studied. Being thankful and doing everything with love might help. I can understand how Mr. Kennedy feels.
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Thanks for leaving an advice out for Kennedy and I’m sure he will appreciate it. It’s a tough road uphill for him to see his problem and manage it accordingly.
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I agree with you, Kally. The guy who got passed over for the new position sounds pretty scary. Yes, anger management is key!
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Oh yes, angry words are one thing, I’m afraid what is he like during the crisis period.
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I can sure understand why Kennedy feels the way he does. However, his assessment of the situation can’t be objective in the first place. ‘What happened?’ would have to be answered from a neutral part.
Kennedy might do well going to talk openly about the situation with his boss. Communication….
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Communication after managing his anger is the key. You can never outtalk someone who is angry.
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Wow. I totally agree with you. He definitely needs to learn managerial skills and if he’s IT then a course in interpersonal speaking or even a Dale Carnagie course would help too. Have him read some Norman Vincent Peake books too.
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I have gone through Dale Carnagie course before and it’s helpful. Great recommendations, Kevin!
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Thanks Kally.
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This so reminds me. When someone else was promoted in my company, I stood by, supported was taken advantage, but I waited, then when she became the snake. .. my boss final words ‘ I am sorry you were not offered the position …”
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Ouch!!! That must be super painful!!
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Your last sentence is a gem – it’s called taking your karma along with you 🙂
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Haha.. I guess what goes around comes around.
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I agree. One should never be disrespectful towards their seniors, not just in IT, not just in one’s profession but in life. Anger leads to nothing good.
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That I totally believe in. Unless the senior is totally talking crap…but still I wouldn’t waste one bit of anger on him.
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Oh dear. Doesn’t sound like a very healthy situation. I’m not sure that barging into his boss’s office and demanding an explanation is a very sound strategy. He’s never going to change minds and impress people that way. I can’t remember ever seeing a football referee reversing a decision after getting shouted at by an angry player. It doesn’t happen that way in the workplace either.
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Especially in the workplace. You may not face the same referee for a long time but you’ll face your boss day in, day out. Not a wise decision.
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Yep, agreed! 🙂
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Good advice Kally. Sometimes people fail to realize they don’t have the proper training or educational background to qualify for a position. There can be so many reasons for his not getting the position.
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I believe if he were to talk to his boss nicely, maybe he could have coax the reason out from him, now he just burnt his bridges.
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Exactly. And that will get him no where. Good post.
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I use the reverse of this technique with younger colleagues. They use facial expressions to control outcomes but once you realise that there is no content behind that, it’s easy to not respond to that. Good managers will know the limits of their knowledge and skills, ask for help when they need it, acknowledge better skills and experienced lacking training, listen to criticism and pay attention to quality. In other words, the key to being a good manager is the ability to honestly look at one’s strengths and weaknesses. My bosses have these things in common. They are straightforward, ask for what they want and keep things very simple. “This is the task and here is the deadline: Can you do it, yes or no?” It is easy to get left behind in an environment where competence is linked to willingness to help solve problems.
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We hear his side of the story, ultimately we hadn’t hear the side of his boss’s. Good managers don’t appear overnight just because they were promoted. Companies play a part of training people to become good managers, which I don’t see them doing so. Most of the companies I know rather hire an experienced manager from external than to groom someone internally.
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Good point, Kally. I also think it’s better for a company to raise their resources internally.
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Alright ye all! What do ye know? I took a few minutes to read all the comments in this post and … I can’t help it, I have to speak up.
True, an outburst of anger in your boss’s face is not the best thing to do. Even so, this anger situation has been my issue all of my life but, in the last seven years since I came to these testing grounds amidst the wilderness of people, the Father/Creator has taught me much, much about ‘ANGER’!
For six years our Father had me demonstrate His anger to the one subject He sent me to. At the onset of each incident I would protest, “Father? If I follow Your instructions, either this fellow will declare me ‘insane’ or worse yet, he might kill me! I will obey You anyhow.”
Sure enough, BIG TROUBLE….wonder how I am still alive?…:-) No, I don’t wonder anymore. For after each dramatic happening, Father would empower me with His strength big time! Each violent happening was followed by my Father’s super lesson about His ways.
Dear friends, our Father’s ways are totally out of the scope of our imagination. Every single day for the last seven years or so Father demonstrated to me such an amazing fact.
Nothing, absolutely nothing that we know and have learned during our lives’ time is according to our Father’s ways. This ANGER situation is one of the things that Father has straighten out in my mind.
Furthermore, Father has straighten out my mind in most all matters pertaining to my attitude and behavior amidst the people inhabiting this earth.
It is my hope that whoever is reading these lines perhaps get curious enough to check on those things that Father has straighten out in my mind for the benefit not only of myself but, mainly for the benefit of all of His children.
His love in my heart for all, thia/Basilia.
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Our Fathers ways surpass anything that our earthly minds can even try to process. As we get more education we slide down the slippery slope of thinking, I and me, instead of this is our Father’s world. If I let him into my heart I will have peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. I have learned to be happy in all circumstances, not to question, that is the key our Father wants to pass to us, it will open any door anywhere that we travel, if we go in peace doing on to others as we would have them do unto us. Oh what a world this can be, and will be one day.
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O but how we connect in our Father’s ways! I just love reading your spiritual mind! Been busy with new blog, Life and Death will soon be in the waves! Later!
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Kally, I done liked my own comment! Ha Ha! I meant to tell you that I like your like? O well, I’m busy with my Life and Death project. Later!
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Enjoy your Sunday, my friend!!
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Glad for your comment coming to where I can reply to you not to my own self! Duh!
Tell u? This new blog got me all hyped up! Even so, I must look at things objectively, that’s all there is to it!
For once the blog goes in the waves? Anything can wave one way or the other and I must be realistic about it!
Quit my building castles in the air. Our Father is building my castles according to His ways. Nothing that I can object to, because hope is the evidence of things not yet seen.
So, all is beyond my wildest imagination…:-)
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So let me get this right… to be considered for a position in “management” he needs to go to anger “management” classes? :p
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Haha! He needs to know how to manage himself before he can manage others.
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