A Word Of Advice: I have An Unsympathetic Boss

Dear Kally,

I don’t know what to do. I’m so desperate for your advice. Any advice you can give me right now and I will take it. Please share my story on MiddleMe so someone can advise me as well.

I’m going through a rough time now. My Mother recently passed on from cancer. We have been struggling for so long, her being in and out of the hospital and me being the sole responsibility of all her medical bills. She doesn’t have any health insurance so it was much worse for us. My brother quitted his job so that he could look after her and bring her for her doctor’s visits. Now that this situation is over, he is trying his best in finding a job so that he can help me with all the leftover medical bills.

During this time of bereavement, I took a week off to sort out the affair. My supervisor isn’t very pleased with that. I was known in the company for taking way too much off time from work and I wasn’t very punctual turning up for work either I must admit. Usually, it’s due to the situation back home with my Mother. I had promised my supervisor that my performance will be better now that Mother is no longer around.

Now the problem is that my husband just dropped a bomb on me and told me that he is leaving me with the kids. I believe it has been coming for a long time, perhaps he wanted to wait until the dust has settled before broaching the subject with me. Without his income, I couldn’t afford childcare so there are days I had to take urgent time off to tend to my 4 kids. This period is very difficult for me. I am seeing a family divorce lawyer. I cannot concentrate on work with all this pain and troubles and at nights, I cannot sleep without worrying about the bills and the kids.

Despite my multiple explanations, my supervisor has served me my final warning. He says it is not fair to my co-workers that they kept having to cover my duties when I do my disappearing act. I am at my wit’s end. I cannot lose my job. My husband has made it quite plain that he doesn’t intend to support us financially. I am staying strong only because of my kids.

If you have any advice on how I can keep my job, please, I am all ears.

Thank you so much.

Isabella C.

Dear Isabella,

Thank you for reaching out to me. I’m sorry to hear about your situation and I empathise with you and your brother.

Let’s dissect your problems one by one. With regards to your mother’s leftover medical bills, have you sought out social welfare? You can approach the administrative staff in the hospital for them to refer you to a welfare group that may help you to break down the amount into smaller sums and stretch the instalment period longer so that you don’t have a huge amount to pay every month and hopefully, allow you and your Brother to breath easier.

As for your brother, you can forward his resume to me and I’ll see if I can help to alter it to make it attractive to the hiring companies. Besides just browsing through the newspaper, he can go online and post his resume on job search platforms like Monster.com and Indeed.com. I’ll need to understand more about your brother’s skills before I can make any further recommendations meanwhile, it doesn’t hurt to freelance or look for odd jobs to fill in the gap before he secures something ideal.

For your situation with your supervisor, I pretty much guess that the pressure is on the floor where your co-workers are not happy. As this is your personal issue, your supervisor may not be able to explain details to the team.

Why don’t you have a chat with your co-workers and see if they sympathise with your situation? They might be kept in the dark as to why you kept taking time off and felt that your supervisor might be siding you too much. That being said, look for your company’s HR and see if you can take sabbatical leave without impacting your team’s performance. Use the sabbatical leave to sort out your childcare issue and to seek welfare.

I wouldn’t advise you to seek another job elsewhere because it will come down to a similar situation where your new boss may think you are not putting your worth in the new job. It is much easier to seek understanding from your current job where you have worked with them for a long time and proven to them your worth before.

Lastly, I don’t think it is right for your husband to threaten not to support you financially. After all, he has a duty to your children. Walking away without a care is plain selfish. Children are innocent in a divorce. Talk to a lawyer and see what rights you have to claim against him. Even he relinquish his rights to his children, he still needs to pay for maintenance.

I feel for you in your situation and it will be a tough path to walk in. I’m happy that you are strong for your children. You are a good mother and I hope you’ll come out from this, a stronger woman.


Do you have a problem with your job? Write to me at Kally@MiddleMe.net and let’s try to help you to get out of a bad situation.

To read more advice, here are some that might interest you:

A Word of Advice: Calling in Sick
A Word of Advice: Throwing the Towel

11 Comments Add yours

  1. DutchIl says:

    Perhaps the key here is for Isabella to not make rash decisions… perhaps take a bit of time to sit down and research the issues at hand and take in account the options available… perhaps there are organizations in her area that may be able to assist in some manner until she gets her world back in some sort of order….
    As far as the boss, I agree with you that she should talk with the fellow employees as the boss (being not sympathetic) may be using them to put pressure on Isabella when it is he, himself, that has a issue and are using the employees as a front to cover his image to avoid trouble for him…
    And I believe there is probably an organization nearby to help her deal with her husband also, as he has a responsibility whether he likes it or not… 🙂 obviously he is not someone to have around when the going gets tough… 🙂
    She just needs to stay brave, make sound decisions and get help when she can, stay true to herself… 🙂

    “I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.” Louisa May Alcott

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Angel Kally,

    I WILL pray daily for this family.
    What country are they from?

    Thank YOU for your kindness.


  3. msw blog says:

    I respect the advice you have giving to this individual, except speaking to her coworkers. These people are not her friends,family and my guess is they have been picking up her workload, and should not be made to feel guilty or awkward by her lost and the tragedy of her marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kally says:

      Sometimes you may never know what it will come out of appealing to your coworkers. We are all humans. It is up to individuals whether they want to lend a helping hand or ignore the situation but by opening her heart out, she is explaining her situation. Rather be in the know and leave the decision to individuals to judge rather than to be judged without knowing at all.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ecohorizons says:

    I wish her all the best and I think that all problems have solutions .With patience, perservervence, strength , faith and inner peace she shall overcome her problems and be a much better person starting from now . Move on with your life and love everything unconditionally. After embracing life wonderfully , see how things would improve and change because as within , so without .
    Practice being and feeling worthy of love , trust , support and peace . Relax and allow solutions to come while being your best …


  5. She should keep him tied up in court hearings, attorney visits, on and on. He’ll be losing plenty of work time. If her coworkers are picking up her lack to the point of putting in more hours, can they be sympathetic after a couple of months of extra work, lost time? A divorce could get her money and help she wouldn’t get on her own. And why after four kids is he jumping ship? A younger woman, perhaps?

    Thank you for liking my posts!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kally says:

      Thank you, Alan for giving out good advices. Very insightful.


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