A Word Of Advice: My Child Is Being Abused

Dear Lovely Kally, 

I haven’t worked in many years and I am a stay-at-home mother but I read your blog because I find that some articles are useful to forward to my Daughter. I loved that you have a Daughter too, so you’ll understand where I am coming from. 

My daughter started out her first job this year as a teaching assistant in a private school. Her wish is to learn the ropes and someday, gain promotion as a teacher.

She loves children and is very passionate about teaching so I know this job is just right for her. But she comes home red-eyed so very often because she’s being bullied by nasty parents and self-entitled kids.

As her school is a prestigious private school, many of the parents don’t really want to know that their princes and princesses are trouble in school. 

Once, one of the boys in her class threw his school bag at her causing a small cut at her face. He did get suspended for a week but no apologies from either the student or his parents.

At another time, a nasty parent walked into her classroom, slapped my daughter in front of her students and accused her of sleeping with her husband. After investigation, it is found untrue and the mother did not even apologise at all. 

Both times, I intervened and reported this to her principal but only to be told that my daughter is an adult and this is a work situation that she should handle herself. Because of my intervention, my relationship with my daughter has strained. She stopped confiding me with her problems at school so as to stop me from worrying. 

How can I not worried when I am her mother? 

What else can I do to protect my child? 

Signed Off, 
Greta F

Dear Greta,

My heart wrenched as I read your post and imagine if my daughter is in the same situation as yours. I feel for you. 

I’m so sorry to say that the principal is right about your daughter is an adult and she has to handle her own problems at work. We all have to fight our own battles at workplace and go against demons and devils, sometimes we learn and other times, we grow stronger. However, this is not to say you can’t help in your own ways. 

First step, you need to open up to your Daughter and let her know that keeping you away from her problems is not helping at all. You will still be worried about her and worst, you’ll be overthinking and guessing what she is not telling you and what she is hiding from you.

Promise her that you will not take any reactive action if she confide in you unless it endangers her and compromise her safety.

Next, ask your daughter if there is anyone in school that can guide her through this. Perhaps a fellow teaching assistant or a teacher. She needs to observe how the teacher handle the kids in class and in school premises.

If the kids are nasty, she won’t be the only target.

Look into ways she can improve in commanding respect in the classroom. Share her experiences with other Teachers in her school and if she can’t find support there, look elsewhere.

There are plenty of Teachers’ forums that she can share her problems and gain helpful tips to overcome each situation whether it is a boy being rude to her or a girl ignoring her instructions. 

Finally, be prepared to go to the school board and the authorities if reported cases are not duly investigated and the principal sweep major issues under the carpet. Have her come to an agreement on this because it may cause her to lose her job

I’d like to say she should look for another job elsewhere but it should be her decision to make whereas us, as mothers, can only support her in every way and any decision. 

Once again, I feel your pain and your worries. Do have a heart-to-heart with her and let me know if there is anymore I can do to help. You are a wonderful mother.


Need a listening ear on your career problems? Write to me at Kally@MiddleMe.net or pick one of these posts to read:
A Word Of Advice: Anti-Marriage Policy
A Word Of Advice: Why Is It So Hard To Land My Dream Job?
Word of Advice: Living up to my Father’s Pride

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30 Comments Add yours

  1. ptkmkl says:

    Sad Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Kally says:

      Yes, this is sad

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Caffe says:

    Bad behavior at school is a common problem, also in Poland. Does the fact that we have such times exuse us? Why such educational errors?
    I feel sorry for this woman’s daughter, I know that will be hard for her, she may even alienate herself, and quit her dreams about beying teacher

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      I, too feel sorry for the daughter. I do hope that she doesn’t need to give up her passion and dreams as a teacher.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. utesmile says:

    Sometimes I think in a private school where parents pay money for schooling they think they can do anything. I must say in Community schools the behaviour is much better also towards the teacher. Where is respect, that needs to be learnt by those children and their parents as it seems. I do think that the daughter should consider a job in a Community school as that is definitley more rewarding and children actually want to learn and behave well. Also we use behaviour charts for children… they might need it for parents too…. Sad that this sort of school exists.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Kally says:

      I believe school and Teachers can only teach what’s on the books when it comes to behaviours, it is the parents’ duty to instill it at home. Hopefully, the daughter is able to get a better environment in other schools.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. tsepotheview says:

    That’s very worrying reality story and very common at the same time but in my country stories like this happens in public schools not often in private schools but I feel like things like this one’s shouldn’t happen in the first place as every school should have strong rules that protects teachers from being bullied same to learners but anyway hope she finds rightful solution to her problem and writes again so that whom ever is facing the similar problem will be helped through her experience.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      Teachers are to be respected. Those days are gone where children (and parents alike) gave the upmost respect to Teachers and never question them. Now we are critical of everything.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. tsepotheview says:

        Yeah… Teachers are basically patents to the children at school and children spend lot of their time at school so teacher’s must be respected… In my country due to this issues there is critical lack of teachers because everyone doesn’t want to be a teacher.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You are correct, this daughter needs to work on these problems herself. Her mother can be a sounding board, but for her to rush in to try to “help” she is acting like the parents she is complaining about. They are wrong but the daughter has to learn to command respect.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Kally says:

      Thank you for your contribution!

      Liked by 2 people

  6. What an AWESOME Post! Thank you both.

    Life isn’t easy because it was never intended to be. Being all the bullying, and the abuses RISES the perfect- STORM for any teacher of merit (which years to be earned). … Behind all the crap is a God who loves each of us perfectly.

    Your daughter PASSION can and must override these obstacles. In the environment she choose they are sadly common place. In teaching at public schools at least here in America its even worse.

    Your daughter has in front of her the possibility of making a difference; of BEING THE difference, What an example she can set for both her students and their nose-in-the-air parents by IGNORING {yes this is possible with prayers and grace)…. and it is also good for her own character formation.

    Life offers many challenges; they van BEAT us, or we cab BEAT them; OUR Choice.

    God Bless and guide each of you,

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      Thank you for offering such a positive and inspiring advice, Patrick! Have a wonderful Sunday.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. rothpoetry says:

    I would like to commend you on your wise advise in this difficult situation. I was an elementary teacher for twenty nine years. In those years I watched the shift from principles supporting and standing up for their teachers, to a principle calling me in and saying I heard this parent was saying … about you. Very sad day when teachers cannot feel supported. Perhaps it is time to look for a more supportive situation. This place she describes is toxic!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Kally says:

      Thank you!! Yes, it is sad that her workplace is toxic and she deserves support from her principal, in fact, all Teachers do.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. rothpoetry says:

        you are right about that!

        Liked by 3 people

  8. Such a great advice. If she decides to stay back, she can meet with existing teachers to know how they handle such case and if otherwise, its best she looks for another. It all depends on her. At the end, she has to look out for herself too.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. purpleslob says:

    Kally, this is horrible. When I taught school, (Public) it happened to me too. I’ve been kicked, child sent right back to my room, scratched till I bled, child sent right back to my room, and sexually assaulted, child sent right back to my room, All these were kindergarteners!
    If the principal doesn’t do anything, go to school board, by all means! But be prepared to lose your job. 😦

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      OMG! Thank you for sharing your experiences. Is it the same child? I wonder if the child’s parent knew about his / her behavior in school?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. purpleslob says:

        Oh, no,
        all the same child. Yes, the parents knew about the sexual assault. DCF was already involved, due to her being sexually assault, before the age of 5. Poor
        little girl. Her life was horrible. I really hope she got help.

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Kally says:

          Oh dear.. poor child. I hope her life get better.

          Liked by 2 people

  10. equipsblog says:

    This is sad. These kids grow up to politicians or like the American “Affluenza” teen who was never taught wrong from right because of his privileged environment.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. kevin cooper says:

    Very sound advice… What an awful situation to be entangled in!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      Thank you, Kevin!

      Liked by 2 people

  12. Kally, This situation has no right or wrong approach to a conclusion. Finding the strength to fend for yourself is not an easy task. The not too smart solution may or may not be found in a Court of Law. That could be part of being an adult at work. Great information and I admire your efforts to tackle the many and varied situations that need help.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      Hopefully, our comments will give the young lady strength to stand up for herself.

      Liked by 3 people

    1. Kally says:

      Thank you for sharing this out!

      Liked by 1 person

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