Last Friday, I posted an article up with Corey’s email seeking advice to handle her dilemma. With her blessings, I decided to post her situation up and seek MiddleMe’s readers advice on how to help this young lady.

Thank you for your positive response and your helpful advice. I have consolidated the comments below to give Corey and others a much better summarize view. I am sure that Corey is grateful and will take your advice to heart.


 

Dear MiddleMe,

I am currently dating a nice young man but we are having a big issue. I know your blog is not a dating website but somehow I felt perhaps you can help me out here from a different angle.

You see, I am a recent university graduate, top of my cohort, specializing in Economics. While my guy is a car mechanic, working in his field for almost 4 years. He never did go to college, dropping out of school to feed his family when his dad left home. My parents did not like him. They think that he is not suited for me and on occasions, asked him at point blank why is he wasting their daughter’s time. In turn, he went back to night school, taking up sales and accounting courses. Last month, he even quitted his job and join a sales job at my dad’s firm.

Since then, he is a changed man. Gone was the jovial happy man I loved and in place is a man who looks jittery and stressed out all the time. I know he prefers to work with cars rather than to mingle with people. His dream is to own his garage repair shop one day. I know it sounds very simple but that is what I love about him – his simplicity towards life and his passion towards his cars. 

My parents’ attitude towards him has improved a little ever since he worked with my dad. I have spoken to him a lot of times about pursuing his passion and we always end up not speaking to each other for days. His reasoning is that as long as I am happy and secure in our future, his loss of dreams are peanuts to him. When I argue that I am not happy now, he’ll retort that I am too young and I should listen to my parents and that when we are in trouble if we can’t even afford to pay off the mortgage on our future house. 

Please share this question out to your readers. Help me to convince him that what my parents think does not count in my books and what matters is chasing his dreams. I can’t bear see him being in misery while planning for our future.

Let me thank you all in advance. I can assure you that I’ll be watching and reading all the comments carefully.

Thank you!

From,
Corey G


Dearest Corey,

Thank you for writing in and sharing your problem with us.

One positive note about you writing in is that you are truly serious and committed to making this relationship work! And that is a great groundwork for any relationship. It is also obvious that although you and your guy are young, both of you are working towards a common goal – marriage and both of you wants to give each other a brighter future. That is admirable that you two have such strong solidarity and investment in each other’s happiness.

CELONA’S BLOG is right about your guy wanting to give you all he has, achieving happiness for the woman he loves so dearly. Both he, Patty and I would strongly encourage that you can show your support by being patience and understanding from his point of view. Keep communication open and respect each other’s decisions.

It is important as well to strike a balance in life. While life is about creating memories and not purely money as per gchan7127, your parents only want the best for both of you, to step on the right foot before entering marriage. I agree with 76sanfermo that as much as you respect and love your parents, you don’t have to blindly follow their expectations for both of you hence balancing both passion and work are equally important to the well-being of your relationship. Patty has a great suggestion that both of you can consider, to keep on working where he is while investing his weekends on his passion. If he has a goal to save up for a garage of his own a few years down the road, it might be all worthwhile to slave for the moment in lieu of bigger dreams. After all, as per Kamal Kothari‘s advice, only if he is enjoying what he’s doing will he ever be happy and contented. That will bring him peace and success too.

We wish you both all the best in your uphill journey but as long as both of you have each other, walking uphill hand in hand doesn’t seem all that daunting anymore.

Regards,
All of Us at MiddleMe


If you have any more advice to give to Corey, please feel free to help the young lady in love by adding your comments below!

Advertisements

9 replies on “Readers’ Advice: Pursuing Own Happiness

  1. Dear Corey,

    Let me first congratulate you on finding the right guy. Not many guys can give up on their career to be with the one they love, especially nowadays. Let me analyze the situation with you, on things that you may have overlooked. Not mentioning the dating stage, his meeting with your dad was probably his first major challenge. At that point, he could only choose 1 of 2 paths. First is to continue being a car mechanic and risk losing you forever. Second is to improve upon his education, while continuing to feed his mother and siblings. You should be grateful he chose the latter because the dedication is enormous. Taking night courses while having a full-time job is a phenomenal feat. Taking night courses outside of his expertise and then later working at your father’s firm (immediately after quitting as a car mechanic) is even more impressive. He can only sustain this lifestyle change because of your constant support. And trust me when he has silently undergone a lot of sacrifices behind the scenes when he tried to enter your father’s firm. Even I don’t know how that works.

    Now, every time you argue with him to revert back into being a car mechanic, you’re conveying another message inside his head. You’re saying the equivalent of, “Go back to your old job and break up with me,” which was path #1 from the previous paragraph. Of course he won’t walk that path. The fact that you said you love his simplicity towards life and his passion for cars, that message hasn’t been relayed into his brain.

    There are only 2 things you can do now. First is to tell him exactly what you love about him. Everything. Let him know exactly how you feel. Second is to help him find a solution that both you and your dad can accept. This will be your challenge to prove your love for him. And to make it a little easier for you, I’ve come up with an ultimate solution for him to become a mechanical engineer, which is a respectful job according to your father, which allows him to continue his passion, and which allows you to continue to love him as before. I’m sure your boyfriend already knows this, but he calculated that the 4 years of pursuing a degree, and some other years to finish high school, and how to raise all the money for the tuition fee, not to mention the mortgage, just isn’t worth it. Your job is to tell him it’s worth it.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s