*As told to Kally from someone who wishes to be anonymous

I know I need help. I have problems controlling my anger. I tried very hard, I did. But little things trigger me off so easily.

My anger is selective too. I have no issue when I’m with my friends. Neither do I blow up at home with my family. Maybe because I’m hardly at home. When I am at home, my wife is working on shifts, sometimes pulling double shifts because she works in the Emergency Department at a public hospital.

It is when I am at work; my anger is almost uncontrollable. I worked in a small trading firm with 30 staff reporting under me. My boss is often absent at work, leaving another partner running the place and me. The partner doesn’t give a hoot about employees or benefits. He is selfish like that. The burden is on me to make sure we are profitable every month and pay everyone’s salary on time.

I have no time for fools, laziness or office politics. I will lashes out at the slightest mistake. I will kick chairs, throw files and slam doors. I will scream with profanity until I break someone down. I lost count on how many coworkers have cried because of me. Some have left because of me. I never felt bad about it. To me, if you can survive me, you can survive anything. I expect perfection when it comes to working. If you cannot be your best at work, don’t come in at all. That’s kind of like my motto.

Last year, I almost assaulted another coworker. Still, luckily, I was stopped by other coworkers, and the incident died down during the lockdown period when everyone had to work from home. I think everyone was glad that they are away from the office, mainly me.

I did use this time to do some reflection and signed up for some online anger management classes. To be honest, the lessons did nothing for me. I wasn’t angry when I’m relaxed and at home. Even when I confided with my wife and my best buddy, they were surprised. They didn’t think I had it in me to shout at anyone, let alone get into fights or throw chairs across the meeting room.

I am aware that I have made the office a terrible place to work in. I am probably the abusive boss that nobody likes and everyone fears. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Nope, I don’t feel guilty at all. I think my staff are inadequate and that I’m pissed off to be working with them. Whenever my thoughts cross to work, I can feel my pressure rising to a boil.

Before anyone starts calling the police on me, I fully acknowledge I have a problem here. My office just announced that they would reopen the office for everyone to come back to work again next week. This time, I won’t be going back. Instead, I am going to an anger management camp and starting regular therapy session with a psychiatrist.

By writing to you all here in MiddleMe, I’m putting my intentions into words so I can push myself forward to solidify my words into actions. I know the journey will not be easy, but I know it’s mine to conquer.

Wish me luck!

For more Whisper stories, check out these:
Whisper: In Love With My Boss
Whisper: I’m 38 And I Still Live With My Parents
Whisper: I sabotaged my one of my staff’s career

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22 replies on “Whisper: I Have Anger Management Issue

  1. oh my… you are wrecking other people’s lives and enjoy it … stop it because only you can or leave … you sound like a real bully … it will catch up with you, if not already… you’ll get sacked and poor references, especially now that you’re heading for a diagnosis of personality disorder … your wife will leave you and your friends will disappear… alcoholism, drug misuse, misery and loneliness are waiting for you…I bet you’re not prepared for that but then maybe you are… who will you blame…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The first step is always admitting you have a problem, as our troubled soul has done here. The next step(s) are trying to do something about it, which they have mentioned. I am quietly optimistic they will turn things around because of these two important steps. It will never be easy, because those flash moments will bubble up. When they do, being able to acknowledge what is going on ( do I feel glad or sad?, or do I feel mad or sad right now?) and talking the issue through once they have identified how they are feeling with those who matter most will avert a cataclysmic outcome e.g. I am actually feeling bad because of how my colleagues are being treated. I am not mad at them, but I do feel bad right now regarding how I have reacted because of what is going on. Once the penny starts to drop, they can then work out how to take a deep breath, calm down, forgive themselves and recover the situation.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. This is very seriously. Professinal help may be needed to get a grip on yourself. My anger is mostly to the computer wich is very slow most of the time or makes mistakes. It is probably time to by a new faster one.
    But getting angry at poeple all the the time is not a good thing.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. 💜 Well Done Anonymous; very good, carry on and ignore The Naysayers who ARE Mostly Passive Aggressive…at least YOU!!! Have Admitted, Acknowledged and Addressed YOUR!!! MMHI (Multiple Mental Health Issues) while They, In Denial, Pretend To Be Sane Saints; just keep on Truckin’ with Therapy while They Eventually Crash and Burn

    …💛💚💙…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. 💜 I Bullied My Boss and He Bullied Me Back; that Fight was Ultimately Won by Me…it doesn’t make Me Proud; most of The Comments Here ARE Constructive and Supportive of Anonymous who has taken The Courageous Step of Seeking Mental Health Help and I Suggest The Passive Aggressive Critics Here Do The Same

    …💛💚💙…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 💜 Judgemental People who, by Default, Destructively Criticise Others Seeking Mental Health Assistance ARE, in fact, Looking in to Their Mental Health Mirror and Feeding The STIGMA!!! Associated with MMHI (Multiple Mental Health Issues)

    …💛💚💙…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I respect that he acknowledges his problem. I hope the anger management camp will help and that he might look for another job where he can start fresh and maybe better suited.

    Like

  8. 💜 It’s Interesting when Passive Aggressive, Destructive Critics Destructively Criticise that They ARE Actually Talking About ThemSelves; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that I AM, Too, Guilty of This Reprehensible Behaviour…so NOT!!! Preaching; just Sharing My Experience

    …💛💚💙…

    Like

  9. As someone who spent many years being the angriest man on staff, I am lost for words at your confession. I never took it anywhere near throwing furniture, let alone attacking someone.
    I hope you find a therapy or a therapist that works for you.

    Like

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