I was a habitual gambler. I racked up plenty of debts from the banks and turned to illegal sources like loan sharks when I was desperate. I was spiralling downhill. I have no family or friends to speak of. Everyone abandoned me. They despised me, hated me even. I couldn’t hold a job for more than a month. I was living from scraps to scraps.

The last thing that woke me up was my pet cat who got herself ran over by a truck and I couldn’t even afford to send her to the vet. I had to seek assistance from one of the nearby animal shelter. Seek is not the right word, I practically beg them to save my cat’s life. She’s the only family I had. Sadly, Mija didn’t survive but this woke me up and got me to clean up myself.

This story isn’t about it how I came through. This is about how I made that decision to commit to a better life 3 years ago and still my mistakes come back to haunt me time and time again but I didn’t give up finding a job.

Nothing I can do to keep a job after my probation.

I tried retail for 3 months because I know I am good with people. I may be overqualified (I have a degree) but I was happily working there until my debtors came and harassed the customers in the store twice. My supervisor had no choice but to request for my resignation. I mean I am trying very hard to earn money to pay off these people but they just don’t give a crap how they are ruining the income source that will pay them back.

So I thought maybe I should work behind the scene. I got myself a job at one of the big corporations in their call centre. I was promised that I will be promoted to assistant telemarketing team leader due to my qualifications if I pass my probation period.

With hope, I worked hard, I came on time, leave my workplace late and always hit my target. 5 months into my job, my debtors called into the hotline and made a huge complaint about me. I was out in the streets again. To be fair, the corporation had their reputation to protect and I wasn’t aligned with their image.

One of my ex-colleagues manage to get me a job an hour away from my city and I gladly took it. It’s more of an administrative job and it is not as highly paid as I would like it to be but beggars can’t be choosers so I stuck on to the job for 2 years.

Until again, my past caught up with me. My boss ran a credit check on me and found I had a bad credit. Nothing really to do with my job but he doesn’t want me to handle his books anymore and called me a liar. By then, I had more or less cleared up most of my debt, illegal and legal ones.

I moved on to another job, this time closer to where I was staying. I figured that since I have cleared my debts, I should be left alone by my debtors. I’m not so lucky. I took on a dishwasher job at one of the fancy restaurants.

Me, a degree holder, washing dishes?

But a job is a job, as long as it pays my bills, keeps a roof over my head, food on the table, I’ll do whatever it takes.

One of my previous debtors thought he saw me and started telling my manager how I am a bad egg. Instead of firing me, my manager stood up for me and told me that he doesn’t give a shit to my past as long as I am willing to work hard, I’ll have my job. I cried in front of him. It’s felt so good to have his trust!

To have someone who finally able to overlook my past and give me a chance.

I’m still at the same restaurant today but I’m no longer a dishwasher. I’m an apprentice to their sou chef and I never knew I had an interest in cooking in my heart but I’m grateful for any opportunity. I’ll grab the opportunity with both of my hands and hug it tight.

I just want to tell people that don’t make the same mistakes I did. I regret so much that I lost everything. The only shining thing that comes out of it is that I am much stronger.

For more Whisper stories, here are some that you might be interested in:

Whisper: I’m A Fraudster

Whisper: I sabotaged my one of my staff’s career