I’ll like to try something new and allow more interaction with my readers. I have a reader’s letter below and instead of me giving the advice, YOU dish your advice out. I’ll consolidate my advice with yours and repost this article out next week.
Dear MiddleMe,
I have not started working yet but the next step that I am about to take will affect my choice of career for the rest of my life. I am starting university next year and I haven’t quite figure out what I like to do.
My parents have different opinions about the courses I should take. My dad thinks I should learn to be more assertive and will benefit if I take up a business course. My mum prefers that I invest my time in technology or engineering classes because she is an engineer and her dad was an engineer before. My parents have often argued over this since a year ago and this is causing me a great deal of stress. My friends say I should pick a course of my interest but I am a boring person. I don’t have much hobbies or interest. I do like to read a lot though but I don’t think there is a university course on reading.
I am my parents’ only child, and it hurts to see them quarrelling over me. There have been talks of my mum leaving my dad over this and I think this is getting out of hand! In my rebellious streak, I want to tell them I don’t want to go to university anymore but I know it is not the right thing to do.
I really want to let my parents know my decision so I can stop them quarreling over dinner every night but how can I tell them when I don’t even know it myself?
Please help!
Best,
Evan C
Share your advice for Evan below and I’ll consolidate your advice for him and repost this article with the advice on next Friday.
Looking forward to hearing your advice!!
MiddleMe 
The first advise is that the quarrels have something do with the parents relationship, that they are through on Evan. You may not be ready to make choice yet, but I think when a mother and her father study the same area, your father wanting you to be more assertive under two against one domination, by feel that you need to break away from the duo. If your father wants you to be assertive, perhaps you could ask him tell you more in what ways. Ask him what he may have wanted to do at your age. What he see in you that he does not want to miss. Ask your mother what she believes you will miss. It will learn more about choices they made. You ask you mother if she thought about doing something other engineering. But to see there dynamics going on. If you are brave ask her if she was angry your father for not being like her father. If they divorced it will have nothing do with you. Almost you ask to choose over another.
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Wise words from you. I think it is great to confront and ask directly from one another’s reason of expectations.
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Yes, I agree with ‘generation now’.
Regarding your statement ‘I’m a boring person’. No you’re not ! A boring person wouldn’t have even took the opportunity to wright to Kally 😉
You write that you read a lot…any subject in particular? Maybe it also can give you a clue in what direction you would like to study.
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You can probably figure out what you like by exploring what kind of thing you like reading about.You are a voracious reader, because you tend to call yourself not much of a fun person! That is good, many readers think that way!Although I find readers the most interesting people! 🙂
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Personally I listened a bit too much to my dad when I started out studying, and after one year I dropped one of the courses and only studied the one I wanted. Over time I even found out that people often fail or drop out when they do something they don’t want to but what their parents want them to do. To have the most chances when arriving on the job market it is important to have done something you enjoyed and thus excelled in.
What do you read about?
You can study literature…
Talking to people, who aren’t your parents or even family, will help you understand you better, especially if they are good listeners and can harness whatever your heart is beating for. It is beating for something, just we don’t always know what. (I always wanted to write and teach, but as I took many other paths to get there I had no idea this was my goal).
Can you do a few short internships over the summer? That might help you know what you want and what you don’t want.
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I love your advice stemming from true real life experience. You are talking about practicality!
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Dear Evan
See if this works for you.
Take a day, maybe two, or even three.
Draw up a list of all those subjects which interest you.
Draw up another list of those subjects which you feel you have a strength in
Draw up a list of those subjects which you enjoy, or ‘fire you up’.
Exam the lists together. See where subjects overlap.
Then reflect on those which have overlapped, see if you are able to centre in upon one which sets your mind and instincts working together.
Take time over this.
When the choice starts to coalesce look to the university course which will satisfy this.
Then you make your decision.
And begin your journey into your life.
(Of course it will not be easy- nothing worth doing ever is)
As a father of three (all university educated and now employ in nothing close to the courses they studied) and a grand-father of five (one of which is starting out a journey similar to yours). A parent has to accept a child will wish to go their own way, all they can do is guide, support and be ready to help the child up when they stumble (we all stumble, all through our lives).
In conclusion, I very much doubt if you are truly boring. You read, you think, you reflect, you have a constructive approach. Another facet of Life is Doubt, it is normal; walk past it and keep on keeping on.
Best wishes for your future.
Roger
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Great supportive advice, Roger!
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Ooh, phew! That’s a relief! An hour after I’d written it a waves of The Doubts turned up (Was that too rambling, etc?)
Best wishes to you both.
Your blog is doing great work.
Roger
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I think your father is right! You need to be more assertive. I believe that you should take charge of your destiny. Determine your strengths and weaknesses, then see where your strengths fall. Never made the mistake of going to college not knowing what you want to study. If you did that, some mentor will tell you what he or she thinks you should consider.
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Great directive advice!!
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Reblogged this on Ancien Hippie.
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Evan ,
I started my middle school with science ,and ended up taking Arts in my university.
FYI: I was good at math My parents wanted me to continue that stream instead I chose journalism and psychology.
In my heart I always wanted to be a writer 🙂
Follow your heart take a break from the commotion listen to your heart You will get the right answer
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Great advice!!
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All the above are good advice, but where you live also should come into the equation, as well as whether it’ll be important for you to find a job quickly … for example to get away from the home dynamics. With high unemployment in some countries, many university degrees will necessarily lead to having to leave the country to find a job. Also, there are lots of paths to good and fulfilling jobs without going through university. Like catering, hotel industry etc….
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What field would you like to work in , in the future?
I think that while answering this question , you could decide for the most adequate course of studies …….
(And as a voracious reading ,I’m sure you can’t be a boring person at all!)
Wish you all the best!
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Whew! This is a daunting experience! As fair and open as I can be without rambling, may I suggest that you start by getting a Guidebook for the University you plan on attending? I remember only too well how I used to wade through the question marks in my head. You can study anything you want whilst at university. Always remember if possible, that college is where a person goes to learn “How to” learn. Further, any and all course work that you plan everything is about learning how to learn. So albeit statistics, math’s, anatomy, engineering, rocket science, Literature, and oh yes, there are numerous fields that feature Reading as a degree program. Perhaps a little journalism or creative writing and I’ll look forward to purchasing you first book! Think about Ann Coulter who does exactly what I just described on 11 best-sellers, t.v. shows, commentary, lecturer and public speaker. Please do university study for yourself; and prepare how to learn.
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That is a superb encouragement and advice!!
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