*As told to Kally anonymously
You can never published my name. I love my job too much to risk it. But, boy, do I have a juicy secret to share.
Everyday I am being paid to do absolutely nothing and I’m not talking about some measly amount. My salary amounts to a high range of thousands and I get health benefits, dental, mobile – the whole package.
I sit in a small cubicle corner, far end of the huge workplace that houses at least a thousand of people. Nobody knows what I do. They probably don’t remember my name too. I’m just the guy who turns up for work and nodded and smiled at others at the office corridors.
Let me divulge how I came about being the most useless worker in my company. I was hired 4 years ago to lead a special project. Among myself, there was another 3 more team members, each of us with a special technical skill set.
One year into the project, we hit a minor hiccup and the project was stalled for 3 months. It’s no big deal. Such thing happened all the time. The only problem was that project was the only justification for our existence. We totally had nothing to do for 3 months.
Due to the top secrecy of the project, none of us can be deployed to any other teams or departments. That including the rule that we aren’t allow to discuss anything or our work with anybody in the workplace and everyone has been briefed not to approach us as well.
The closest communication I get from the neighbour in the next cubicle is a smile and a nod in acknowledging my existence.
So 3 months turned into 6 months and becomes a year of doing absolutely nothing. By this time, all of the team members had left the company because they couldn’t stand getting paid doing nothing. The manager that I hired me, got a big fat promotion and relocated to some European country.
I was left at the hands of our common office manager who, for the sake’s of his ego, refuse to ask or learn about my job scope. He is the one who will approve my off days and expense claims.
Finally, with nobody left to care, I’m non-existent.
Every year around appraisal time, it is an unspoken rule between us that I will take a week break. This way he doesn’t need to appraise me and I can avoid the awkward one-to-one talk with him.
I don’t know why my role wasn’t audited. I suspect that I’m a mistake that nobody wants to admit, nobody wants to find out that the company has been doling out salary to me over the years when I contribute nothing.
So from Monday to Friday, I’ll clocked into work at 9am. Take a stroll to the pantry and help myself to the free croissants and coffee. Then I will watch YouTube or Netflix until lunchtime where I will treat myself to a two hour break.
All those staring at the computer screen, my eyes need a rest. I will then get myself lost in the office corridor (it’s like a mini maze) and find an empty meeting room to sneak in some shut-eye for a couple of hours before I stroll back to my cubicle and read some random blogs like yours until it’s time to knock off.
Once I even use three whole days to plan a week’s itinerary for my sister’s honeymoon. That was the hardest I ever worked in months.
Sometimes I’ll do some interesting online courses. I have completed a number of professional certification last year. Thinking of doing my online degree this year. Why not? It is not as if I have any deadline to meet or any work to stress over with.
Sometimes I’ll get myself a freelance gig, not that I need the money but it is to prevent me from going crazy in my boredom and create some kind of goals in the 8 hours I’m stuck with.
So where do I go from here? I don’t know. I have become too complacent to even consider trying to put myself out there to search for a new job.
Maybe one day, there will be a change in management and someone will finally question my position.
Maybe one day I’ll get sick of wasting my life achieving nothing and resign.
But meanwhile, let me put my feet up. It’s time for another cat video on YouTube. Heheh.
For more interesting Whisper stories, check these out:
Whisper: Bad Debts Made Me Jobless
Whisper: I haven’t been getting my salary for a year
Whisper: I’m A Fraudster
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MiddleMe 
What’s going on, Kally? I got this notification but the link goes to a Page Not Found message.
Regards, Greg.
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Yes, being paid without doing anything is an uncomfortable thing in life. I can feel your boredom because we are the same. I spent my day in office without doing anything related to my office. That’s why I’m doing some freelancing stuffs to fill my nothingness in office.
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Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Maybe like the writer himself, attempt an online degree to fill your time?
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Yeah, I’m thinking about that too. Maybe in the future.
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Hahaha. Nice one. After a couple of paragraphs, it elicits the old saying, “Sounds like a government job.” However, as Ajid points out, most of my friends who have had such jobs over the year found that the thrill of being utterly unproductive wears out fast.
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Yeah, I agree with you. It will be awesome at first but once you realise that you are wasting your life away in a deadbeat job, you can’t wait to get out fast.
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curious, well narrated.
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Thank you
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Interesting.
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Thank you, Eddy.
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Uncomfortable situation. When you don’t work, you feel unnecessary. A job that does not give you satisfaction and tires you. This is not good for the psyche and happiness.
Regards
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A good way to sum it up. Thank you.
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Whoever sent you this, is literally enough bored 😀 Doing nothing and getting paid might seem lucky for a month or two but for an entire year, he should have put the paper. Can we also say these are smarty pants that doing nothing and get all the name and go out of the company 😉 Nice sharing..
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Thank you, Simon. I will be extremely bored in his situation and probably will leave my job if it doesn’t challenge me enough.
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Great Thought, I’ll do the same 😉 We need ourself to be busy, we go work for that, not to stay idle 😉 Have a beautiful day Kally ✨🤗💐
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Have a great Friday, Simon!
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Yolo. 💘
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Welcome to MiddleMe!
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What could a person accomplish with this gift of fate!! I can’t imagine what would be like to have the opportunity to get paid for a full time job with no actual job responsibilities other than waiting on an emergency. I will be building my Amazon affiliate Empire with that time.
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Haha. It actually sap the life out of you unless you have your own goals to achieve.
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That’s pretty much what I’m saying. If I was able to do whatever I wanted but still on company time I wouldn’t waste that opportunity. I have books that are half written, podcast ideas to pitch and record, networking to maintain. And there’s probably more if I sat down and thought about it.
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Plus with that stable income with nobody in the company to disturb you, there will be plenty of things to do in the office.
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I just hope that this person doesn’t have to encounter the total opposite situation in his future: Paid Nothing For Doing All The Things!
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Wow, that would be weird. I wonder how many people are out there with similar situations?
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Actually, I don’t think it’s an unusual situation. I have met a few of them in my previous jobs.
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Taking an online degree is great. Maybe even learn to invest in stocks or real estate.
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That’s a great idea. As long as you don’t waste time dwindling, learn something! How are you doing, Clement?
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Been investing in the U.S. stock market for the past year and a half, as well as doing volunteer work for a children book store.
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Nice to hear that you have been volunteering your time! I would love to volunteer for a book store however, I probably end up reading more than working.
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You should. Chances are it’ll be a cosy place with nice colleagues.
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I’m already knee deep in volunteering with a family group over here. I don’t think a bookstore will appreciate if I bring my very active and very noisy child to volunteer with me. Haha.
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