Dear Kally,

I love my job as a nurse in an elderly nursing home. I’ve been there for the last five years and find it a joy to work with my colleagues and the seniors.

My problem is that my husband hates my job. He calls my workplace “a holding area for the dying” and he thinks it’s funny while I think he is insensitive. I know when we were dating he never liked me talking about my work but when we got married, he started to drop big hints that I should pursue other careers or go work in my dad’s company.

My Husband works in the oil industry and he is often away from home to be on site. My job requires shift work so sometimes we don’t meet each other for weeks. He’s home when I’m on night shift.

He thinks it is unhealthy for a young married couple to stay away from each other that long and prefers if I can resign my job and find something with regular hours. I don’t disagree with him but it’ll break my heart to leave a job that gives me so much happiness.

Last week, it got to a point he starts to snub me as a nurse and tells our friends “if I’m good enough, I would have become a doctor and not a nurse.” It hurts so bad to hear him say that.

Other than him being disrespectful of my job, he is a wonderful man. He takes cares of me, remembers tiny details like our anniversaries and he’ll go the extra miles for my family even attending my nephew’s school concert every year.

I don’t know how to talk to him and express my passion for my job without getting into a fight. And I don’t want to argue with him. This is tearing me apart but he doesn’t see it. What should l do?

Regards,
Hannah B


Hi Hannah,

Big hugs.

First of all, I must say that being a nurse is a noble profession and you must be proud of what you are giving to the elderly at the home.

Secondly, I do agree that married couples should spend quality time together. Quality is the essence, not quantity. Arguing all the time definitely doesn’t count much for quality.

Your husband may have felt the pinch of jealousy that your job seems much more important than spending time with him. Have a talk with your supervisor and see if an arrangement could be made with regards to your shift schedule to accommodate whenever he is back from business trips.

Likewise, it is fair for him to make similar arrangements with his trips as well. Whether he can cut short his trips or cut some away, marriage is to have a commitment on both sides. It is crucial to have open communication on both sides as well.

If you find that it is hard to express your feelings about your job to him, I’d suggest that you have a talk with him in the presence of a mutual friend, someone who understands your passion or a counsellor.

Like you said, he is a good man and the only problem you have right now is he not acknowledging the importance of your job to you. I think it is worth to try to have a heart to heart talk with him to find out what is it in the job he doesn’t like and work your way through from there. If he loves you, he’ll want to respect the thing that brings joy in your life.

Don’t give up on your passion and dreams. There are plenty of concessions you can make to balance both out like instead of a full-time role, switch to a part-time position instead. You will still able to work at what you love and have quality time for both of you.

Good luck!

Regards,
Kally@MiddleMe.net

For more heart-related career advice, read on to these:

A Word Of Advice: How Do I Let Her Go

A Word Of Advice: Money Or My Soul?

A Word Of Advice: A Line Between Infidelity At Work


 

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4 replies on “A Word Of Advice: Not Good Enough For Him

  1. Communication is the key word… Hannah and her husband will need to sit down and have a open minded polite discussion and needs to be done before there are words said or deeds done that cannot be undone… it takes “two to tango” and for a relationship to work, he will have to give as well as take also…

    “A house that is built with patience, understanding and love will withstand the strongest winds of difficulties and conflict , a house built with a closed mind, insincerity and haste will collapse in a mere breeze of discontent.” (Larry “Dutch” Woller )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This man sounds verbally abusive, and controlling. Communication is the key to a good relationship if she feels he is unwillingly to hear her her out, emotional support her in her profession, or give her the overall respect she deserves it may be time to move on before he destroys her happiness and confidence…

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  3. Marriage is about allowing each other to be individuals within the relationship AND grow together as a couple. What is the true reason for him starting to complain about her job? It sounds like the fact that they don’t see each other that often. Which is a fair ‘complaint’. However, both parties have to be willing to make an effort to keep the marriage going. Seek understanding for each others perspectives, remember why both decided to commit to the marriage and thus bond for life.

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