*As told to Kally anonymously
I am getting married in a month’s time and I should be happy but I’m not. I am downright miserable and there is nothing me or my fiancé can do anything about it.
You see, I met my future husband in the current company I worked in. He is the nicest and gentlest man I have ever known. Before him, I hadn’t had any luck with love. Because of our company clause that forbids employees to date each other, we kept our relationship a secret. That clause is in the employment contract that we signed when we first joined. God must have watched over us because we dated for 5 years and we were never caught by any of our colleagues. My family loves him to bits and his mother loves me as if I am her own daughter. When I was down with flu, his nana even moved in for a couple of days to take care of me!
Dating in secret was not ideal but we make do. I had to keep my jealousy in check whenever a female colleague openly flirts with him. We placed trust in each other even when he was accused of stealing company’s secrets to sell them to competitors, my faith in him has never wavered.
Of course, my company did not have any proof against the hideous crime but they fired him anyway. He is in one of the 50 people let go because of management’s suspicion of fraud. Yes, the boss of this company is paranoid!
Hence, my dilemma. With him not in the company, I can choose to freely date him. However because of the way he was let go from employment, if I declare I’m dating him, I probably will risk my job as well. With the wedding expenses and the new home coming, I couldn’t take that risk.
So nobody in the office knows I’m getting married and I’m upset about it. Some of my closest friends work in the company. By not including them in my happiness, my wedding is not complete. But if I include them even asking them to keep a secret for me, I’ll be putting their jobs at a risk. Given our boss is such a paranoia, he probably will do another round of firing again and canned us all.
I have to pretend to be all excited and happy about being a blushing bride as I couldn’t burden my fiancé with my thoughts. He’s been under a lot of stress, trying to find work to support the expenses. It’s not easy finding a job that pays him as much as he previously earned.
Additionally, our company refused to give him any references so he is pretty much screwed by them. He has been juggling freelancing gigs and payments hasn’t been constant.
There’s nothing I can do here. In order to keep my job, I need to keep my mouth shut even though all I wanted is to shout through the roof that I’m getting married to the best person in the whole world! Any bride should be able to do that. Thank you for lending me your platform to do my whining.
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MiddleMe 
O man! Kally? What’s wrong here? Why on earth this young woman is blind to the only solution? QUIT THAT JOB BEFORE THEY CAN HER! Can she see? But! It’s all a matter of who do you trust? Yourself or the Mighty One Who created us to take care of ourselves? There is my two cents worth if I ever gave any! lol
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You sir, are quite correct.
Was thinking the same thing myself.
Thx.
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🙂 Not sir. your sister not thiaBasilia anymore. I’m just your sister not your brother. lol Check me out and? You’ll understand this reply. Much love, your sister, 🙂
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Lol. I think it’s the financial issues that binds her to her job. I leave this for her to sort it out her own.
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It sems to me that two things are happening in society, an element of science has become the new religion (everything teh church said was not good for you, science is now chirping the same tune, and elements of commerce are the new moral guardians. It beggars beleif that a company could get away with such an imposition on private lives. Horrible, as said above by Thia – she really should get another job.
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It’s horrible what some companies can get away with. To live under the ruler of a dictator in his own company, is just so frightening.
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yes really frightening, evil
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Even here they can’t dictate your private life: where on earth does she live? I’d start looking around (discreetly) for a new job…
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She actually lives in Manila. I don’t think it’s the norm for companies there to control their employees like that but this isn’t the first I have heard from other companies that are doing the same s*it to their employees in other countries where little are done to protect human rights.
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Horrors!
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can’t wait to read your advice, Kally 🙂
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For this piece, I won’t be advising the person as she did not request for my advice.
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Lying is permissible under some circumstance in the workplace, I say. You may consider me wrong but when such circumstances surrounds you, there’s no other option.
But one should lie about only as much he or she can handle. Don’t let the water rise above your head, if you can’t swim 🙂
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Love your quote in this one, Hammad. I don’t think she has a choice but to lie unless she wants to lose her job.
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Lying in such cases, when telling truth will harm you, is good. Telling truth will unravel all the layers of truths which you have hidden therefore keeping mum may be the best option. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Very true and useful in this case.
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My pleasure ma’am. :))
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There is never a right reason to lie, no matter how much you think you should.
However, there is never a reason to subject oneself to depression and anxiety either.
Both are unhealthy endeavors.
The Philippines are one of the least expensive places in the world to live, and I have met mothers with two children who make the necessary income just running a small cafe or shop.
If your future is based around incomes, then you have no future, and should probably call off the wedding until love dictates your actions.
Get the lust for success, prestige, and money over with, and then get on with your lives. Sounds harsh, but it really is the right thing to do.
This morning I posted that there is only one rule on this wonderful planet, as technology has made everything possible for everyone. And that is…if you can think it, then you can do it. Your only limitations come from you, yourself.
Kally, you are obviously a very intelligent woman, as I’ve read your bio. So I’m pretty certain you’ve hugged this sad girl, and shared your empathy with her. However, we cannot live her life. We can only tell them our love will not lesson for them, no matter what decisions they make. You have been kind enough in allowing her rant (whining), as she put it.
As for American’s here in the US, millions have been laid off, or reduced in position and earnings. Some by 40% & 50% and others only by 20%. I chased the dollars when I was younger, and I made and spent lots of them. But they really didn’t buy me happiness. I now make 5% of what I earned in 1986, and I am happier today than ever. Love can be as short lived as careers, and they should prepare for that as well.
Love will always be the final answer, and today will always be the right time to decide it is.
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I can certainly understand why your friend doesn’t want to risk quitting her job while her fiancé is unemployed. But, as for marriage, why not elope and not tell anyone at the office? This is a matter of priorities: surely, having a big wedding or no wedding at all is not the way to resolve this for two people who love each other. Yes, there would be a small chance the boss could find out about the elopement, but life is about chances, and why isn’t this is a chance worth taking?
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What you pointed out is quite true, then again, wedding are a personal matter and it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I do agree that marriage is between 2 person in love 😍 but then again, as a bride, I would love to share my happiness to those I loved.
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A toxic workplace is an awful thing to deal with. There must be somewhere else to work. No amount of money is worth that kind of stress. I wish her all the best for her future.
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Thank you for your wishes. I’m sure she’ll read and grateful for your advice. And welcome to MiddleMe.
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Wow, this sound like a terrible company (from the human factor at least). I hope he finds work and that you will be able to share this great news with your friends soon! You deserve to have a wonderful day! Good luck and best wishes to you both ❤️
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On behalf of the lovely couple, I thank you for your best wishes. A wedding is a new chapter, I’m sure with their love, they will keep going even life gets tougher.
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What an awful dilemma
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Yes, it is. We all feel for her.
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Love always wins…when YOU live in fear your not living and enjoying your life..that stress is going to take a toll..let the company go..fire them…you and your husband deserve happiness !
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Thank you, Kerri for sharing your thoughts with us.
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Your awesome ..thank you for stopping by…so so much thank you.
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I was damn near speechless reading this. I hope this woman learns to step out on faith…
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Big hugs. It is a difficult situation for the couple. Only they can sort it out for themselves.
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Poor girl if she can find another job before the wedding it might be for the best. Leave rather than stay and feel like you are living a double life.
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That’s true on the double life. Imagine you have to keep on lying and lying all the time until you quit. Must be horrible.
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You would have to have a very good memory about what you had told people too or you would be caught out easily
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It would be too stressful for me. I couldn’t keep up with my lies!
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Reblogged this on Alessandria today.
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Thank you for sharing this out
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I’m sorry you have to be stuck in a place that makes you feel like that. You should never feel like you’re going to lose a job, because of the person you love and are marrying. Not cool of the company at all. I hope you find something soon that fits you perfectly and allows you to shout your fiancè’s name from the roof tops ☺
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Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice, Skye. I’m sure she will appreciate your comment.
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