Yesterday, we had 3 dedicated ladies who sacrifice a portion of their life to become Stay At Home Moms (SAHM) and if you have not managed to read the first article, you can read it here.
Before we go on, I wanted to say how grateful I am to have met these 3 ladies in the blogosphere, the advice they gave yesterday and today will come one day be useful to me, when and if I am fortunate to become a mother. On one hand, my fear of losing my identity, my financial independence, my confidence balanced on the other hand, my fear of losing out my child’s first steps, not being there for him or her.
3 lovely wonderful ladies had generously collaborated with me, with their time and effort to bring you the article below.
Enjoy the article and please, if you love what you are reading, join me in applauding their bravery, duty, and honor in being a SAHM.
Michelle of https://michnavs.wordpress.com/
Anumeha of https://enjoyingyourkids.wordpress.com
What did you miss the most about not being in the workforce? Why? What did you love most about being a SAHM?
Anumeha: I miss the office colleagues and the appreciation I got at work. I miss the crisp formals that I got to wear as well as meeting new people and impressing them with my talk. Overall I miss the feeling of IMPORTANCE I got from my work colleagues and my clients. I love having time for my children the MOST. When they want to share something silly with me, I AM THERE. When my daughter takes her first step, I AM THERE to catch her. My life is simpler and uncomplicated. I have fewer things on my plate so I have a lot and lot of patience with my kids. My friends are amazed at All the PATIENCE that I have. I have been on the impatient dark side of parenting and I treasure my relaxed self much more! Also, everyday I see them growing into confident individuals and I feel proud of my role in their development.
Lisa: I missed adult company. Some days the only adult I saw was my husband, and I would get jealous that he got to interact with adults who could carry on an intelligent conversation. I learned that it’s important to develop hobbies or relationships outside of being a mom that connects you to other adults. For me, that meant church. And I have a wonderful husband who is supportive and has no problem helping out with the kids so that I could get out with friends. I love that my time with my kids is a choice and not scheduled, if that makes sense. Working leaves you smaller windows of time to spend with your kids, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I think you have to do what works for your family.
Michelle: Well I missed the glamor of course. You dress up to school. You go to events every now and then. I also miss the idea of being able to share my thoughts to the young people. I always love seeing young boys and girls enjoying my class. Modesty aside Kally, I am one of the very few teachers in our school who received excellent evaluation both from my students and my immediate supervisor from day one till I resigned. Not a semester did I miss it. Right now I am enjoying the fact that I get to meet my former students who are already professional themselves. I am also delighted to say that some of my students are now my children’s teachers. As I mentioned earlier, I love where I am now because my daughters have become more diligent in their studies. I get to tutor them, drive them to school, cook for them, coach them in all of their competitions, talk to them about boys, and go out shopping with them. These and a lot more- I can do anytime with them.
Have you thought of what you could have been / achieve, should you choose not to be SAHM and decide to juggle work and family at the same time?
Lisa: I’ve never had aspirations to climb the corporate ladder. I’m just not built that way. Also, now that my kids are older (13 and 9 years old), they’re more independent and I do have time to pursue writing while they’re at school.
Michelle: I would have been the head or the Dean of the university where I used to work. Or if I pursued a career in mass media, I would have been on the newspaper writing news.
Anumeha: Yes. I live in the silicon valley of dreams. I could have been working with any of the top companies of the world like Google or Facebook and much more in their sales department and earning a LOT of money!
Would you want to return to the workforce one day? When do you think the day will come? Any message to anyone who is a hiring manager or HR or employer so that they will consider hiring SAHM and not be biased against them?
Michelle: It’s actually funny, but I never thought of going back to work anymore. Not at all. Ten years from now my youngest would be graduating from the university and I planned to put up a review center by then or will start accepting part – time coaching, consultancies or who knows I might go back to school and study law.
Anumeha: I will like to return part-time when both my kids start school. I think they will get busier and I might get freer. Or maybe I will start after they are 18! I don’t know exactly, but I am very self-aware so my inner self will guide me to the right time. If I were a manager, I would hire a SAHM without batting an eye.
Lisa: Whenever I can find something that allows me to still be home when my kids get home from school. I know the job is out there, I just have to look harder. I think that SAHMs only become more valuable to a company. Their leadership skills are stronger, their organizational skills are better, and their motivation is better. I had a former boss once tell me he liked to hire moms because he knew they had a reason to show up for work – they have to keep food on the table for their kids, therefore they are dependable.
What are the attributes you have learned as a SAHM you think will be beneficial / relevant to the corporate world?
- She is mature. Motherhood brings a lot of maturities your way.
- She is clear minded, courageous and self-aware as you need that a lot to choose to be a SAHM
- She is not working for the money so fewer chances of her to be tempted by higher salaries at competing firms
- She is creative as you need a lot of creativity to entertain a child!
- She is an excellent multitasker.
- She has unlimited patience and crisis management skills
- She has good organizing skills
- She can prepare for all kinds of scenarios in advance.
- She is excellent convincing skills. If you can convince a 3-year-old to wear his clothes, you can convince ANYONE!
- She is in it for the long run because she has come for the job when she is Ready for it and is not too distracted with young kids!
- Last but not the least excellent time management skills!
Lisa: I think that SAHMs learn there are no excuses: you do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. They are more inventive and diplomatic than they were before they had kids. Their motivation is different – they are working for more than just themselves. They have a family depending on them, so they will stay in their job.
Michelle: Resilience- our ability to become strong even after something bad happens. It makes us able to adjust and recover immediately to a misfortune of change. The corporate world is a fast moving industry. Change happens anytime. And for most of the time, when change happens, someone, somebody gets hurt- gets demoted, gets terminated, gets reprimanded, and for all of these changes, chaos is bound to happen, yet it is inevitable. I think resilience will help us understand better and help us come up with better judgments no matter how difficult or hurtful the situation maybe.
Last but not least, do you have any advice for anyone who is currently making the decision whether to join the ranks of SAHM?
Lisa: First and foremost, it’s a personal choice. Do what’s right for you, and don’t let anyone bully you either way. Do the math – if you stay at work, does most of your salary go to daycare? Get a support team, whether it is other moms, or the local church, or a hobby, find your support village. You need adult company. Also, stay certified for whatever it was you did before you left the job. Don’t let yourself get obsolete. Keep your professional contacts or make new ones, and try not to burn any bridges when you leave your company. I’ve gone back to the same company after having one child. If you were a good employee, they will remember that, and that will leave the door open for you to return. Be at peace with your decision. If you’re not, then it will be an even harder struggle for you, and your kids will feel that struggle too. Don’t let anyone tell you being a SAHM is not a job, because it is. The pay is cheap, and the hours are long, but the reward is indescribable.
Michelle: They have to ask themselves this: What is your ultimate goal in life: is it to become a successful career woman or to raise successful children? The answer to this will help them in making a decision. It won’t be easy, but it will definitely be very rewarding.
Anumeha: My advice is don’t listen to anyone but your heart. Do whatever makes you happy and be in touch with yourself to know when you stop liking what you are doing. Life is too short to be sad. Make the change if it’s not going the way you planned!
Thank you so much, ladies! We have come to the end of the interview; I do hope that Lisa, Michelle, and Anumeha enjoyed the interview as much as I did!
If you like to know them better, please take some time to drop by their blogs to say hi. They are fantastic writers and creative contributors.
Disclaimer: These answers are purely of the ladies’ own opinions and expressing what they have gone through, their experience, their paths and in no way should be seen as being judgmental or generalizing.