Hi Kally,
I have been a loyal reader from the start of MiddleMe and I must say you are doing a great job. I always make sure I keep a lookout for my email notification so I can jump immediately to read your posts. I never knew I need to write in and be the one asking you for advice but I’m kinda of out of my wits here.
I have a manager and I love her to bits, we are colleagues first, besties second. Never have it come between our work and our friendship during our three years term. Now, it is on the brink of ruins. Last month, she had a heated argument with our big boss and she walked out of his office, slamming the door. As she relate the story to me, I can see it is of no one’s fault, it is more like a clashing of two very different opinions. She can be extremely opinionated and stubborn at times but all for a good cause. Last week, she tendered her resignation and she asked me to do the same. Her exact words “How can you even want to work for such a stupid and cruel organization? Even for a stupider boss?”
I would love to have her guts and throw in my letter but I am still paying for my student loan and staying in the company’s staff lodging (which saves me a lot of money!). The benefits that comes with my job doesn’t replicate easily in another company and I don’t hate my job. She’s different, she comes from a silver spoon family background and her husband is a surgeon. When I talk to her about this, she said I can move in with her and she’ll cover the student loan for me until I find another job, she even will pay for my food!
Anyone would have taken her generosity but I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I don’t want to lose our friendship! Help, please?
Signing off,
Sherry F
Hi Sherry,
Firstly, thank you so much for your support. It means a lot to me to have your continuous support and readership. This is a form of encouragement and incentive to push me on to produce greater and better articles.
I’m sure you have spoken to your friend cum your manager and set her straight. Have one last talk with her on how you don’t want to impose your friendship. I’m sure she don’t mind that you burden her financially in the short run however, in this economy, you are sensible not to want to caught in between kindness and jobless.
Let her know that you value her friendship too much to let her down by not leaving the job yet you need to hold on to your job for the sake of financial means. Illustrate to her that you are caught in a difficult situation. I am sure if she truly treat you as a friend and value your friendship, she’ll never put you and your friendship in a spot.
Finally, take a stand. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own actions and you have to face up to the consequences that follows, not her, whatever she coerce you to do.
I wish you all the best and please do update me of your situation and let me know if it sort itself out. Until then, take care!!
Regards,
Kally@MiddleMe.net
MiddleMe 
Agreed. If you personally have no problems with the boss, I don’t see any problem with staying. In any organization, professionalism is key and your friend wanting you to jump ship just because she’s not getting along with the boss sounds really unprofessional to me.
On the other hand, emotions are playing a part in this and I think your friend is venting out to you. Sometimes you need to be the voice of rationality.
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Great advice given. I do hope she seek our advice and not be put in a tight spot
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wise words of advice. 🙂
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Indeed wise words of advice.
Maybe Sherry can also explain the worth, the need, to stay independed 😉
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Great add on advice!
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Asking someone else to resign seems pretty selfish in my opinion. Jobs are not things that can be discarded lightly.
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I agree on your point as well, I think job is not only a sense of security and identity but it can affect her career path in the long run.
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That’s a good point. I think she should stay where she is and only move if she has something better to go to.
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Excellent advice! Sherry is certainly in an extremely difficult position; however, your words of wisdom seem like the only sensible way out of an otherwise impossible situation. Kudos to you, and all the very, very best to/for Sherry!
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Your ‘friend’ is trying to use you as a weapon in her little war. She can afford it, you cannot.
Be very certain to follow your good instinct and not put yourself under her power in any way.
This woman will never be a real friend.
Kally can tell you how to be diplomatic about it. I haven’t a clue. I’m more of a bridge burner.
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Good advice!
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Thanks!!
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There seems to be three relationships here:
1) The relationship you have with your friend.
2) The relationship you have with your boss.
3) The relationship your friend has with your boss.
In my opinion, you should focus on relationship #1 and relationship #2 and avoid “owning” relationship #3. That belongs to them. Your friend may never accept your lack of involvement in relationship #3 — but maintaining healthy boundaries is essential.
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Fantastic advice, Dave! You sum it up clearly and let’s hope she takes the advice.
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