Negativity Stay Away

Recently, I have met up with a friend of mine who we have lost touch for a while ago when I was sent overseas. This friend of mine, I shall called him Roy, was passing by Kuala Lumpur for transit to somewhere else with his wife.

Gladly to have put down all my tasks and clear my schedule for a fellow friend that I have not catch up for sometime. This is also the first time I’m meeting his wife. Excited and delighted that they accepted my dinner invitation at one of the more popular local eatery near my place.

But sadly, the meeting left much to be desire. Firstly, the couple was half an hour late which was alright with me, given that they are tourists and may not know the location very well. However, even before Roy properly introduced his wife to me, she remarked that it’s weird that I would choose such an inconvenient location to meet up. I smiled and brushed that remark to the back of my mind and thought nothing of it until the she started to comment about the humid weather, the bad traffic, the shabbiness of their hotel room. On and on came the negative remarks one after another.

fist-160958_640Even something as harmless as telling her that I have a website and invited her to take a look when she’s free, she replied with a curt “I’m sure it’s good without looking at it but how you can waste your time to blog, I don’t know. Isn’t blogging a young girl’s hobby? Don’t you have better things to do?” I glared at Roy who just shrugged and stared into space. Guess it’s just me versus the wife then. There and then I told her off, I won’t repeat what I said but I think I was polite but sarcastic at the same time.

I had thought she’ll get it but she didn’t and she went on and on about how she admired that I don’t need to work and how she wished Roy could be more successful and earning much more so she can stay at home as well. There and then, I had enough and I ended what should have been a lovely dinner meeting a new person and catching up with an old friend turned into something so distasteful.

no-987086_640Her negativity just ruin my appetite. However, to my surprise, she is not the only one I have encountered in my life. There are colleagues and clients I have worked before that are so filled with negativity. So much so that it is nearly impossible to rub your positivity vibe on them and instead, allow them to slowly wrapped their poison vines around your neck, squeezing out each drop of sunshine out of you.

Like for Roy and his wife, since it is on a personal encounter, I could easily turned my head and walked away but when it comes to a working environment, it is not that easy to just go away especially if its someone you need to work closely with.

As much as possible, I always try to avoid negative people and hang out with positive ones but during work, you can only make certain choices but not all the time. For such scenarios, I will try not to allow the words of those affect me and just concentrate on getting the work done as quickly and efficiently as possible. Sometimes, I do throw back the negative at them by asking them if they could have take charge of the situation at hand, instead of just whining. Sometimes, it works but sadly, most of the times, old habits die hard.

no-987087_640Every now and then, we are entitled to some negativity of our own, some whining at certain times too. But don’t let such destructive behaviour take control of your personality and your life, before you know it, negativity may cost you your friends and the happiness you deserved.

As for Roy and his wife, they went out of Kuala Lumpur the next day, I had an apologetic text from Roy but I feared it is a little too late to salvage my impression of his wife.

Have you encounter anyone like Roy’s wife? How did you handle the situation? Share with me and perhaps I can learn from you!

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122 comments

  1. I know what you mean. Everyone comes into those totally negative people. I don’t undestand how anyone so negative can be happy. The only way I have found to deal with a person like this is to just let them be. Nothing that can be said is going to change them until they decide there is a need. So I protect myself and send them white light.

    Liked by 1 person

      • They do because it is so difficult to imagine why anyone would choose to live so deeply inside negativity. When someones behavior is particularly annoying, take a step back and ask yourself if there is something within the situation that is a learning moment for you. If it is be thankful and move on. If it isn’t put up the white light and move on. It’s their circus and their monkeys it doesn’t have to be your issue.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes I was in that situation too when my friend accompanied his wife and kids to my house last year for a dinner get together. The moment we started having drinks his wife started preaching me about drinks and telling me stories about his parents/uncles/cousins boring me for more than an hour. My friend was a mook spectator and ultimately my wife had to intervene and advised her not to allow her husband for dinner parties outside. That comment prompted her to pack up for early dinner and leave. Kally u seems to have reacted right in the given circumstances as the guests had no business to discuss such shit in the very first formal meeting. Tusi great ho?? Didnt understand? I mean u r great !!!!!!!!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Poor you!! Or I should say poor us!! I could have bashed Roy in his head there and then. He just kept mum all the way. I guess I really give my best shot with his wife and tried to nod and look interested. Haha!

      Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t know.. Maybe to walk away? Negativity really gets to you at some point and you know it’s wasting your life trying to reason with the person because whatever you said, it just flies past their head.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It takes only one negative person to ruin a situation, even in a room full of positive people. If you can’t diffuse the situation with humour, feign ignorance; it’s attention they crave, and if they don’t get it through negativity, they may come around and act respectful. Sometimes. Full disclosure; I’m negative. But I’m not rude at the dinner table.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. We all have such weird situations. I am also dealing with one in my office these days and as you said it’s really hard when you are working close. This colleague of mine is insecure about so many things and imagines the person having authority (I) is responsible for every trouble he is having. Knowing this I tried to assure him initially that he is having some misunderstanding because I am here to work and grow and that is all I care about. But he repeated the same thing again and it was time I told him in firm voice to spare me, to mind his own business and don’t ever cross my way again. Since then I observed his behaviour changing, he took to taunting and making fun in absentia. The negativity reached me and started to affect my work. It was time to find a way. There’s nothing I can do to change his mind set, time is a big teacher so I thought of avoiding the places where he is on his mission to spread negativity, to concentrate on my work more and if have time I do something constructive. I feel a lot better and I think I can tolerate his brief presence.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. the comment about your blog was unwarranted. I’ve had people like ‘Roy’s wife’ telling me that studying literature is pointless and that people like me end up nowhere in life. My grandfather was a science student who chose to pursue literature and ended up as being one of Bangladesh’s more notable personalities when it came to the arts and humanities. Negativity is unnecessary. A tragic sense of life must be accompanied by a sense of humor!

    Liked by 2 people

    • There will always be people who would try to pull you down, maybe they derived joy in trampling people’s good fortune. So stay away from those people and believe in yourself!! 🙂 I’m so glad your grandfather chose to follow his heart instead of his ears.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I try to avoid negative people. However, there are times that negative people cannot be avoided. When that happens, I merely ignore the negative comment and I “kill them with kindness” as my mother used to say. Negative attitudes can multiply before you know it so you need to nip it at the bud.
    It’s like the old song says,”on bad Apple will spoil the whole bunch.” I refuse to be in that bunch!
    Great post dear. You are awesome!! 😆👍

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I am so sorry to hear that you were attacked personally during the dinner. As a fellow blogger, I feel for you. Blogging is hard work, and some of us take it very seriously to showcase and develop our passion. I am sure you have worked hard over the years as well, and so now you can afford the time and peace of mind to write and blog as much as you want 🙂

    Agree with you working with negative colleagues is hard. Once I sat beside a colleague who sighed almost every fifteen minutes. I don’t know if it had something to do with her personal life – at the time I was working there, she had unfortunate incidents happening at home. Then here was another time when I went to see dancing violinist Lindsey Stirling for a second time (I’m a big fan), and I spent a couple of hundred dollars on tickets with my own money (I earned and saved up for it myself). I told this to a good friend and she didn’t like it, kept going on about how I should see a new artist I never saw before and I was wasting my money. And she was literally shouting at me when she said all that. I never brought up the topic again, and we never spoke about it again and we are still good friends.

    If I could, I’d avoid negative people all the time. They bring down others and in a sense that is selfish. Then again, sometimes negativity is influenced by external factors. But at the end of the day, being negative all the time can’t get you anywhere – it often takes you in circles as you go on and on about something in a particular moment in time and prevents you from looking at the bigger picture and the lighter, beautiful side of this world.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Well said and love your “being negative all the time can’t get you anywhere”! Thanks for the show of support. Actually, I’m not really pissed with her criticizing my work because by the time she did, I already concluded that she is shallow and don’t deserve much attention. Being pissed or angry at her would only be a waste of my energy and time, I rather be doing something else, like writing about her in this post. The best part is I didn’t even use Roy’s real name and no one will know it’s his wife unless she admits it. Haha!

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry that your friend didn’t appreciate Lindsey’s performance, I’ll say to that “to each her own”. We all have the right to pursue what we like plus like you have said, it’s your money, not hers.

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      • “to each their own” I really like this phrase, and it’s one that I haven’t heard in a while. We all are our own individuals. Some might be a bit more pessimistic than others, but at the end of the day, if we don’t like it we have the choice to tune them out and get on with our lives.

        I used to be one of those negative people. It made me unhappy. One day I decided I wanted to be happy so I decided to be more positive and never looked back 😀

        Liked by 1 person

        • Haha! What a 180 change for you!! From a negative person to a positive one. Must be tough and challenging to make the sudden switch especially one that is formed out of bad habits. Kudos to you for taking that brave step and improve your life for the better instead like Roy’s wife’s constant whining!

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Indeed, someone very wise once said (simply but profoundly), “The tree is known by the fruit is bears,” so I try (imperfectly, mind you) to not bite the poison apple. The vine of the whine is entangling, striking the spine of spontaneity and creativity … and then life no longer shines.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You did awesome, Kally, staying strong and positive in the midst of a straight-on personal attack. I’m glad you stood up for yourself – but I hope you didn’t feel to blame for not getting through to her. As others have said more eloquently than I can, some people are *determined* to be negative and will not be moved no matter the force of the opposite personality. I have this one particular coworker in mind as I’m saying this…I write about her from time to time as a way of venting. But in reality, I rarely stand up to her. Everyone lets her continue being a bully, even the supervisors. I’m finally reaching a point where I’ve started standing my ground on some of the smaller issues. One step at a time. So thanks for writing this…I needed the reminder to work on cutting the bullies from my life. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Wow, what a terrible encounter, that woman sounds like a right B, shame she ruined your reunion!! I come from a family of chronic complainers, and the negativity can definitely be hard sometimes. Although it doesn’t bother me that much until it gets really personal, like the comment she made to you about blogging and finding an inconvenient place- those kind of comments haunt me for days. I think I can be a bit negative these days since I’ve been dealing with depression, but I try to never leak out my negativity towards other people!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so sad that you cried because of your work situation. Big hugz! I know first hand what frustrations means especially when you are cornered by it and not by your own doing. Your conclusion is accurate and you should not be bother by it.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I suppose it all depends on the kind of mood you’re in yourself at the time. Sometimes you have the strength to persevere, and to try and cheer a negative person up with a kind word or a smile; but sometimes you just have to grit your teeth, and try to walk away without saying anything nasty. After all, it’s like Thumper’s daddy said: “IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! :):):)

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh yeah!! Totally agree! She’s not mine to cheer her up, in fact, it should be her husband who is suppose to calm her down and steer her away to a more happier state of mind. She is negative but at least, she is not vile.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Sorry she ruined your reunion with your friend. Sound like you did well standing up for yourself. It had to be hard to watch your friend in the situation too. Just think, he has to live with her everyday. Poor guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I feel for Roy, I sit here wondering if he really knew her before they were married or is she so unhappy it spills out of her without knowledge….or is she just a bitch….and excuse me I am 58 and I love the blogging world…I like you try to avoid the negative people…its hard….if I have to I just shrug and let them go on and on and then excuse myself…..what else…I can’t bring myself to wallow in the gloom and doom with them….sorry about your friiend….kat

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Kat, well I’m a country away from them so I won’t get to “bump” into her often. I’m not sure if my friend know what he is getting himself into perhaps she’s a different person when she’s alone with him. Well, I do hope for the sake of my friend, that’s the case.

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      • I hope so too….that would be hard to be around all the time…but him sending you an ‘I am sorry” text makes me think that she wasn’t ready to meet up with an old female friend of his….she probably read more into your relationship with him than what was there….lets hope they stay happy and healthy for a very long time…but you probably lost a good friend to the ole marriage gig….kat

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m so staying away from their marriage if that is why she is so negative. Had a guy friend once, he married to an overly jealous green-eyed monster, she had him ‘unfriend’ all females friends in his life, gave her all his passwords to his phone and email accounts, deleted his Facebook and Twitter and forced him to quit his job and go work at her company so she can monitor him 24hours. Needless to say, they didn’t last long.

          Like

  14. I knew someone like that at work, and whatever I said to cheer up or make a bit of happiness did not work. I was told I was too positive. It does get you down to hear that every day. I chose not to engage anymore and that was better. She has left now. I feel sorry for Roy as he has to live with this negativity, he won’t be a happy man soon. Sad really.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There’s no such thing as too positive!! It’s an idea definitely from the detractors. What’s wrong with happiness and positivity when in fact, increases productivity and efficiency. Yes, poor Roy but I do hope she’s not like that with him.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Unfortunately Roy’s wife, sounds like someone that I have encountered too many times in my own life. Some people just exude a toxic nature. If you are happy, they have to suck that happiness away from you and everyone around them. As long as you keep smiling and going for your goals, I say leave those toxic people behind in the dust. they really don’t deserve to come along on your journey 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. This post was really true. I once went to a restaurant and sat next to a lady. She complained about the food before it arrived at the table, complained through it and when she was done (faster than everyone at the table I should add), she started complaining about the food in other restaurants. If one can change a situation, then I don’t see why they should complain.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m impressed that you had the guts to stand up for yourself against the woman’s rudeness. I usually just walk away feeling terrible. Nice post and good observations about how negativity can really mess things up. Thank you for stopping by my blog – sorry I did not get to visit your blog until today. Life got a little too busy the last few days. I like your blog! Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for stopping by MiddleMe!!! Glad that you can make it 🙂 I just had to stand up and walk away, it was truly awful and my ears are ringing with all the negative comments until I really can’t swallow it further. No one should put themselves in that kind of situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. What a shame that you had to go through such an unfortunate experience that dampened your meeting up with an old friend. I can’t being to imagine what was going on in this woman’s life to treat you like she did but sometimes (and it’s totally dependent upon the circumstances) feeling sorry for the person helps to tamper your anger. When I worked and dealt with all sorts of customer service issues, what I found worked well (especially if the other person was overly irritated) was killing them with kindness. It’s really hard to be mean to someone who is treating you nicely. Then, when the time is right and you’re all alone you can vent your frustration but never let “them” see you sweat. I have to wonder though how your friend felt about the situation. Who knows maybe he’s miserable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I do hope that my friend is not miserable and maybe his wife just don’t like me (for whatsoever reasons) for the sake of his marriage. They are newly wedded and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she is a different person when she is with him alone. It is a horrible experience and I am not sure if I would want to be a host to them when they come to visit Malaysia the next time.

      Thanks for dropping by and leaving me a comment!!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. It was a terrible dinner, but at least it was one time and done. Far easier than dealing with a colleague you have to see everyday, right? I struggled with that for years and wasn’t very successful for a long time. She was endlessly negative and tended to ruin team meetings with otherwise positive, creative co-workers. Then I learned that one negative person can disrupt the productivity of four to five people in a way that actually hurts the business. That gave me the strength to say that a positive attitude and tone were actually part of the performance expectations for people I supervise. That doesn’t mean someone can’t have a frustrating day and express it, but if they are repeatedly negative, it will come up in our check-ins.

    What I love is that you are so clear on what is okay and not okay. It doesn’t seem like it took you nearly as long as it’s taken me to set some boundaries so that the negativity of others won’t bring you down. Thanks for a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re most welcome and I guess that incident with your negative colleague really made you mad for you to draft such a long comment. I can so see your frustrations and anger towards this disruptive person and you have to face her every single day for 8 hours!! OMG! I didn’t take long enough to recognise that person is bad for me because I had enough torrid expereince dealing with this kind of person at work, I don’t need one more in my personal life. Kick her out, I’d say!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I feel serious Pity for Roy, he has to deal with that everyday. He probably always thought she will be satisfied if he tried better. Well, personally, I shut the person up, while I talk about nature, like Roy’s wife, if she continues, the day is over. Am not having that kind of negativity, some people are beyond infecting with positivity.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. People who are this negative will not change. I definitely have my negative days but I try to find humor in certain situations because it helps to laugh some things off. It is hard at work because the negativity of others can be contagious and make the air heavy and oppressive. I think you need to just continue being yourself and smile because who knows maybe your positivity will also catch on. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Yes! My mother in law is very negative this is why I hate going over so much. Everytime I go over with my husband there is always something negative she has to say about her family, her other sons , even things that happen to her at the grocery store. How did I handle this? I didn’t. I continued to let it bother me and stayed quiet to try and avoid problems with my mother in law. This did not workout for me. This is why I told her off over the phone on one (remember my post “I ruined things with my mother in law”) I remember wanting to call her back and tell her how I felt about the things she would do in a loving way but I guess I had so much anger and I talked to her very rude. I made her cry. I fixed things ofcourse. I had to apologize but things have not changed. She is still a negative woman I don’t think anyone can change a 63 year old.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Let me give you examples that bother me so much : For Christmas I wanted to get her something cute something special. I went to a store and got cute coffee mugs for everyone and I found some cute owl mugs that I wanted for myself and I said I want my mother in law to have these because these were special to me. I was excited to see her reaction when she would open them so I went over to my in Laws and there was Alex my fiance at the time with the mugs I gave her. He returned them to me and said here my mom said she didn’t want them in her house because owls are bad juju! My reaction 😠😠 I told him that was so rude of your mom she should have just thrown them in the trash without letting me know but returning it back to me was the worst thing she could do. The following day she complained and told me she would much rather prefer a gift card to a restaurant because she has to many dishes at home. I was always raised to appreciate any gift I get and that it’s the thought that counts so I guess you can say this is when I started to dislike her.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Since then I’ve given her gifts for valentine’s, birthdays, and mothers day. She has complained about every single gift and I’m tired of giving her things. One time my husband and I had no extra money for gifts but it was her birthday so we used money from our payments to buy her a $25.00 gift card to red lobster. She complained to my husband in front of me that 25.00 wasn’t enough to pay two meals at red lobster. Again I was like wtf! I told her we didn’t even have any money to get you a gift in the first place. It was like if she didn’t hear me because she continued with her negative comments. 😯 It sucks to deal with a person like this. It’s my husbands mom what can you do. If I tell her something she gets offended.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Awwww… Big hugz! You sound like she’s gone beyond and above your tolerance limit. Does she know that by being so, she is chasing everyone dear and loved away from her? I haven’t met anyone who gets fabulously along with their MIL, most have conflicts but not as bad as yours.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Lol omg I’ve heard worst than mine!. Don’t get me wrong my MIL loves me and my daughter but damn that lady she bad mouths everyone else. Who knows maybe she talks bad about me behind my back. You are right though. There is a reason why her family doesn’t visit her. She just doesn’t see that she is wrong. She holds grudges. My family get togethers are huge! Are family is close. Unfortunately, on my husbands side it’s just my In Laws, his two younger brothers, and us. & she seems to believe she has done nothing wrong for her family to hate her. There is always two sides to the story and she only sees hers. I see it differently

            Liked by 1 person

          • Well, it’s truly sad when at her age, she should be enjoy the little things in life that she doesn’t have the time when she was younger. Family bonding should be her top priority right now and enjoy the joy of having grandkids and daughter-in-laws and grown up children who do her proud.

            Liked by 1 person

    • Yup, I remember that post of yours. Old habits die hard. You can’t change anyone who is not willing to change, you can however show them how negativity affects the people around you and hopefully, they will learn to see it through your eyes.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. It’s unfortunate when we come across negative people and have to remain positive in order to not make the situation worse. Especially in the area of work, I’ve dealt with people who I wonder if they’ve have ever been happy. For me, the best way I’ve dealt with negative people is to avoid them and say as little as possible when I have to speak with them. I tend to be a positive person, so negativity can become draining. Thanks for sharing your story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I once met a girl who was a bit (lot) spoiled. One day she came up to me and told Me I wad the worst thing thst ever happened to her cause now I had become popular and she hadn’t. She said very rude stuff, which affected me so harshly. When I went to secondary school, I found out she was there too. We didn’t talk for the first term or so. But then I saw her come towards me and apologize. We are close friends now. Sometimes people are rude or spoiled because so,eyeing terrible has happened to them. She was getting bullied. She was lonely. Sometimes you just have to wait for people to get over things and then give them a chance

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s all over and I’m glad that you two made up and become friends. Maybe she’s being bullied and couldn’t express herself the way she wanted to and use it to vent her anger at you.

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  25. Kally, good for you, you were right on with Roy and his wife at the restaurant. We should be thankful there aren’t that many more negative people, like you say the trouble is negative people tend to bring others down to join them. I try to manage to stay away from negative people and thoughts.

    One time a friend of mine that I was in the Air Force with and his wife stopped to visit us while they were on a trip. We hadn’t see each other for 15 years. My wife fixed great dinner for everyone, when we were done eating my friends wife kicked back on the sofa and announced she doesn’t work while she’s on vacation., She didn’t offer to help my wife wash dishes or anything.
    Thanks for visiting My Mixed Blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your wife sounds fantastic, cooking great meals for your friend and his wife, volunteering to wash up is just a basic courtesy that is easy and should be offered. I’m sorry that you and your wife had to go through that.

      Like

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