I am a teacher. I love my job. I see myself passing on the knowledge to young children and knowing that I nurture our next generation makes me feel happy and purposeful. But my father hates my job. Please allow me to rant here because I have nowhere else to burst out.
Not many friends know this, only our closest family members know that my father puts me down in front of family outings. So much so I moved out a year ago because I couldn’t stand his taunting anymore. My family consists of my two older brothers who are both successful businessmen, and my father is a lawyer himself. My mother passed on early in my life.
Being a teacher in a private school is a sissy job according to my father. He doesn’t believe that a man should be a teacher and that a teacher is not a professional at all. He belittles teachers all alike and they are out of touch with the happenings in the world.
Worse still for him, I am not just any teacher but I am an art teacher. I secretly switched my major from engineering to arts when I was away at university. So far away from his reach, I could finally breathe freely and do what I truly love.
I could have stayed away or even moved out of the country to pursue what I love but I chose to move back home to be closer to my family. Only to be ridicule of my career choice.
Every chance he gets, he will always refer his two elder sons as his own brood and blandly points out that I take after my mother. Whenever I enthusiastically elaborate on my job, he will excuse himself from the room. Once I confronted him and he told me in my face that as long as I am making foolish choices with my life, throwing my life away, he’ll treat me invisible. That foolish choice is that I choose to teach over this family.
In my mind, I know he is being ridiculous. Teaching is a noble profession. However, in his eyes, he rather I be unemployed, mopped around the house than to ever acknowledge I am a teacher. By chance, I got to know last summer that he lied to all his friends that I am setting up businesses on my own and that I am going to be the next Elon Musk or Bill Gates. His ego doesn’t allow him to settle that I am happy where I am right now.
I love this man. He is my father and I will hope one day I get his approval. Sometimes I think he blames himself that I am in a profession not of his choosing because he single-handedly bring up 3 boys and I being the youngest probably had been affected by my mother’s passing the most. And yet sometimes, I feel that he rather not have me as his son at all. I know I may be harsh to say that but it truly felt like that whenever he points out I am wasting my time on today’s youth or that I am worthless to the bank or nobody will be a successful teacher.
The day I chose to move out of our family home and into a tiny apartment because my father started to insult me as a teacher and the verbal abuse is so bad, I couldn’t stand a moment living with him under the same roof. I only go back for family events like Christmas, Easter’s and birthdays. But everytime I go with an open heart and leave with disgust. I don’t want to cut him off my life but I refused to allow myself to be verbally abused by him. My brothers don’t step in to help to diffuse the situation because we aren’t close and they don’t want to get in the wrath of my father.
So there, I’m all alone by myself. I can’t see any solution to it. I can’t see myself in any other profession except teaching and my old man is stubborn enough to write me off from his life.
Maybe one day, he will appreciate me as a son and not judge me for what I do.
Have something to get off your chest? Write to me at Kally@MiddleMe.net, I’m all ears.
For other education-related articles, you can seek some here:
Is A Degree A Must In This Time And Age?
Whisper: I’m In Love With My Student
MiddleMe 
You can happily talk here dear Kally. This is your space. We are your family too. Please mail me anything if you wish to speak at ritcka.adorn@gmail.com.
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Thank you for your email and comment, Ritcka. This whisperer is not me but someone I know. I’m just allowing him to have an outlet on my blog to vent it out. But I love your email and will forward to him with your advice.
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Please do Kally & feel free to share my mail id too. You are doing a great workthrough your blog.
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Thank you so much, Ritcka. I have forwarded your kind email to the whisperer and he wishes to give his thanks and gratitude as well.
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Its my pleasure Kally. I will surely like to talk to him if needed too.
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Here is our trouble: We are trying to build our relationships with the power of love from human beings. It CANNOT be done! Even the best human based relationships are faulty one way or the other, but!
This struggle with our relationships is coming to an end. One by one we are coming to realize this tragic fact, and? We are bursting out with frustration all over the world. We are at our wit’s end!
Ha! Blessed opportunity to lift up our eyes on high and raise up our shrilling cry: HELP! Guess what? The answer comes quickly: “Come to Me. I will give you rest from all your troubles.”
There you have it. It cannot be explained, but? It happens! Once anyone comes to HIM with Whom we have to do? He harmonizes all our inharmonious circumstances in our lives.
Joy inexplicable comes next. The joy that touches even the most callous hearts. Take it from the horses mouth. This is Mr. Ed …. maybe you too young to remember Mr Ed–the talking horse. lol
Much love, thia. 🙂
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Blessed you, Thia with your formidable advice. I’ll be sure to let the whisperer know to read your advice twice! Thank you!
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Isn’t that something? Twice? Hopefully that’s all needed if the clock of his life goes, “Ding Dong! Sing your song. Your time has arrived!” U read my post for the day? Joy inexplicable! Isn’t it? 🙂
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This post is dear to me. I’d rather be disowned but happy and content with myself than be approved of but miserable. Home should be a shelter, a sanctuary. No one deserves to be treated like that.
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Thank you Maia for sharing your thoughts. What you said is true. Home should be a sanctuary.
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Well, teaching is what you love so keep at it, & your father should understand that a teacher made him the lawyer he is today….
I pray some day soon he comes to realize that.
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Thank you for sharing your kind and wonderful thoughts, OJ.
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You’re welcome
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I have been where you are many times. My parents trash me for thinking differently from what they think.
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Oh dear. Poor you, John. My parents are okay when it comes to different ideas. Comparing to some of my Asian friends, I’m quite lucky that my parents don’t really confine to traditional beliefs.
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What a shame, teaching is a wonderful profession and should not be put down. enjoy your job and do what you wanted to to: teaching Art. Nothing wrong with it. Your father does not understand this obviously. I hope one day he comes around and treats you as an equal. You have a noble profession, don’t let any one tell you something else.
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Thank you for your strong encouragement, Ute. This person clearly needs it. He has been so upset when he confide in me.
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Tell you friend to stay the course, a multitude of children are depending on him and the world will be a better place ( I wonder just how happy the two brothers are 🙂 ).. appears the father is closed minded and judgemental and expecting the sons to follow in his footsteps, if you friend were a daughter this conversation probably would not be taking place… 🙂
If I were your friend, I would walk up to his father, standing tall, and inform him that without teachers, he and the two sons would not be where they are today, enjoying the life they are living and this world would still be living in caves and rubbing sticks together to start fires… 🙂
“The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.” Kahlil Gibran
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Thank you for the kind encouragement. He will be reading this comment along with others. He is really a family man and wanted nothing more than his father’s approval and acknowledgment. Looks like it will be some time before he gets it.
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Well, the best to him and his family… 🙂
“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, people we can’t live without but have to let go.”
― Nancy Stephan
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The best choice this person made; listen to his soul and follow his purpose in life. You can’t live your life for others. Period. Regardless who the other person is. Friends you can choose. Family not. I will always be sad, I can’t have the relationships of my dreams with most of my family, but I will never give up my vision and mission for the sake of anyone. Fortunately, there are so many Beautiful Souls who get this. So BRAVO dear whisperer! Respect for daring to be YOU. XxX
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Thank you, Patty for such a strong encouragement message. The Whisperer is definitely a strong person to pursue his passion and in addition, teaching is such a noble profession.
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First, you have a huge heart to arrange your help to others the way you do it. It is unfortunate that such a praiseworthy profession is despised, like that of teaching and even more coming from the father. Good for you
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Thank you for your encouragement. I’m sure the whisperer is grateful for your support.
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You don’t need a solution; you need God in your life.
“To thy own self BE TRUE”
Belief in yourself and in the kids you are teaching {and forming}
Teaching is one of the greatest, most important and most-under recognized jobs in the WORLD…
Do what YOUR conscience is telling YOU to do. Love dad but don’t allow him to BULLY you into something YOU don’t feel is RIGHT for YOU
Patrick
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Thank you Patrick. I hope the whisperer stay strong and true to his passion.
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Follow your bliss. That’s the only way to get through life.
Sorry that you’re father is such a $&@T!😩
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Family… sigh! Thank you for your encouragement!
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😘
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I believe the man has every right to be who he is, regardless of his father’s stated disapproval. As an educator of 42 years’ experience, I have known several men who were art teachers, music teachers, kindergarten teachers, even a couple who were school nurses. There was nothing unmanly about any of them.
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Thank you for your encouragement and generous comment. I believe he has a right to pursue his passion too. That’s his path and his choice. We should respect that. It’s a great profession too.
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I’m a teacher and I know how hard it is to do your work. And as a fellow creative, even more so. To be appreciated and understood – well, those are luxuries, I’m afraid.
My best advice is to surround yourself w/ ppl who do appreciate you. And learn to let go of needing the approval of others. This is very important because sometimes they might and sometimes they might not, you have to decide that your approval is what matters first and foremost.
And as a woman who has recently gone through a very rough time with my mother and brother due to my life choices, I will say, you are not alone. It’s okay to cut them off for a while. It doesn’t have to be forever, but if you need space – do it. In fact, it sounds like the best thing you did was move out.
The ironic thing is the less you care whether or not your father approves of your career, the more likely he is to change his mind. And if he never does, at least you have given yourself the freedom to forgive and move on. You’ll feel happier and better off for it.
Good luck.
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Thank you so much for sharing an inspiring advice and an insight into the teaching profession. The whisperer will definitely able to relate to your experiences. It is just so difficult for him during this period. Something that he has struggled for so long that it is painful for us as friends to see that he is being abused by his own family. Hopefully, with all the comments here, he’ll see that he is not doing anything wrong and he is right to believe in his chosen career.
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Well, he can regret not living up to his father’s expectations (something that is not even guaranteed if he changed jobs anyway) or he can live with the regret of leaving a job that he enjoys and loves.
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You be you. A teacher no matter the subject forms the minds of those going on to different paths in life. I imagine if your father thought that any one of his children’s teachers were sub par he would have raised the roof wanting only the best for his children. I am sorry that he gives off such a toxic view on your life in general but he is a unhappy man and will always be so. I am not going to advise you to stay away from him, but for your own sanity make it short visits.
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Thank you for the strong encouragement. The whisperer is going through a tough period and he needs all the encouragement he can get to assure that he is doing nothing wrong by isolating himself from his family.
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Thank you for sharing this, the best profession is the one you love doing. Doing something that you dont love but makes you rich will leave you poor nonetheless. Plus teaching kids is liked the most important job, you are actually influencing the future. Bless you and your ambitions. ❤
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Thank you for your encouragement for this whisperer. You are so right! I think being rich in your heart and in your life is much better than in your pockets.
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Well
Some folks choose teaching art at private schools because you can actually teach more and sometimes public schools are always about 850 students each week –
Depends
Anyhow –
Shame on parents who keep on prodding and inputting
There is a window of influence and time to go heavy on opinion – but once they reach a certain age that window is closed !
Time to
Move into a different mode of support and family togetherness –
Oh and Moving our likely needed to happen anyway – also a window of time to cut the teat!
Thanks for sharing this man’s story
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Oh, I’m so sorry to hear his story and I wish his father could treat him at par with his brothers very soon.
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Kally, I will try to be gentle with you, but there are not a whole lot of ways this can be effectively communicated. Your father is abusing you. He is not merely being a stern father, and he does not have you or your heart or spirit in mind when he gives you “advice”. Instead, he’s got other reasons for what he’s doing, and they are most likely twisted.
I cannot tell you what to do — you’re not my child — but I can tell you this: It won’t get any better than it is, and it will most likely get worse. Abusers don’t stop and unless you stop them, they escalate.
I’m quite sorry this is happening to you. You do not deserve it — no one does. I would recommend you find some books on abuse. They will be of help to you. Even the ones on partner abuse will help because deep down abuse always takes the same pattern.
In fact, I have recently blogged about abuse here: https://cafephilos.blog/2018/08/03/poetry-critique-weapons-of-feathers-by-jane/
It’s a good post, although it’s about a poem about abuse — but I guaranteed it will be informative.
As for teaching, the cliche is that it’s the world’s most important job, and I believe that is true.
All the best to you.
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Thanks for sharing this story Kally. It resonated strongly with me, I was always hoping for my parent’s approval of me as I am, an artist (not the profession they wanted), until I finally accepted that it wouldn’t happen I felt depressed and sel-critical. This story brings empathetic support, which is what we need as human beings.
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Big hugs. I know it is hard, especially for us Asians who grew up having blind respect for our parents ingrained into us. Please hold on to your dreams and your passion. Those things made you who you are. Without dreams and passion, we are an empty shell.
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Thanks Kally, I agree, dreams give us hope and personality.
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