I love your column Whisper and I hope by sharing my story, perhaps some young girl out there will learn from my mistakes and maybe save herself from evil.
This happened 3 years ago when I was a fresh graduate. I had followed a group of classmates and relocated myself to the big city upon graduation. On the hindsight, I wasn’t ready to move away. I’m very close to my family. I have wonderful parents, an irritating but adorable younger brother and our cute family cat. I love living at home.
Being a graduate, I felt I need to change my lifestyle, be brave and take a step out of my comfort zone. So I moved 3 hours away from the little town I called my home. I was sharing an apartment with the group of my classmates, we all chipped in for the rent. I was lucky. I got hired by a media advertising company almost right away. It was the second job I applied and was called for an interview the next day.
During the interview, as far as I can remember, the HR was nervous about my questions on the future of the company or my benefits. I didn’t even get to talk to my manager but he did take a quick glance at me.
There and then, I was hired straightaway after the short interview. I was inexperienced and not to notice the weirdness of the whole setup. My job is to be the editorial team assistant and my scope basically does whatever anyone on the team tells me to do. Buying lunches, getting coffee, filing tasks even mopping the floor at one point when the cleaning lady did not turn up on her shift.
It isn’t a big company. Pretty small, only consist of less than 20 coworkers. I wasn’t particularly on friendly terms with any of them. Everyone seems to be swarmed with work. We really work very hard.
Many of us stayed long hours into the nights and weekends to complete our work. But the pay is really good. Out of all my classmates that moved with me, mine was the highest paid. In fact, it was nearly a managerial pay grade. And the fact that I was kept so busy, I couldn’t find time to spend it at all, I’m collecting a tidy sum while paying off my student loan.
3 months into my job where I was supposed to be approved during my probation period, I was ordered to stay back one Friday night by my editor. He wanted me to take some short notes and do some research online. I did it diligently and by the time I was completed, I was mentally exhausted.
It was already past midnight. I remembered going to his room and hand over my work. He beckoned me to sit down and in front of me, on his desk is my probation appraisal.
My editor is a 55 years old man. He takes a long hard look at me and proposes shamelessly to exchange for my probation, I was to sleep with him. It’s outrageous and insulting. I wanted to leave. But I wanted to hold on to this job as well.
I didn’t remember if I agree to it but neither did I disagree. We didn’t do anything that night if you’re wondering. He drove me home with an awkward mumbled goodbye and that’s it.
But for the next few weeks, he will wine and dine me like a normal relationship. I don’t have anyone special that time and it felt really nice except I don’t really have any romantic feelings for him. It was one of those dates, I slept with him.
The saddest part of this story is that I lost my virginity to this monster. I didn’t really enjoy it but after that, the pretence is all off. No more dates. He will call me to stay overtime in the office and that would be the cue for sex that night. If I refused his advances, he will fire me in front of everyone. He’ll blackmail me, coerced me and threatened to ruin my reputation.
Once I was really down with flu and all I really want is to be in bed with chicken soup, I told him no and I went home. He stalked at my apartment (the apartment that I was still sharing with my classmates) late into the night, shouting my name over and over again, until I came out to talk to him. He spat at me in my face and swore he will destroy me if I ever refused him again.
First the booty call was once a week, then it became twice a week and finally, he will even get me into his office just to have a quickie before lunch. Yes, behind the locked door are my teammates working outside!
I begin to resent him, resent going to work and my salary felt like dirty money. Enough was enough. I quit crying to sleep every night. I hate myself so much that I can’t look at myself in the mirror. You don’t know half of the pain and terror I was feeling then. It was my lowest point. I resigned.
He screamed at me when I threw my resignation letter at his face. He called a lot of nasty names at me in front of everyone until our HR stepped in and pulled me into her office. The HR lady let slip that I wasn’t the first victim. When I left the company, I found out from my ex-colleagues that there were several young ladies sexually abused by him when they worked under him.
For personal reasons, I didn’t go to the police. Yes, I felt I had to, maybe to protect anyone else from a jerk like him. I did seek counsel from a lawyer and in the end, I decided that it is too painful to pursue it. Mostly because I didn’t want my family to find out (it will break their hearts) and my younger brother was joining me in the city in a couple of months’ time. I don’t want him to get embroiled in this nasty situation. I don’t want to complicate things.
In the end, the editor was fired and arrested for a different, unrelated charge after I left the company a year later.
I wished I had the guts to walked out when he propositioned me. I wished I wasn’t that naive. That I hadn’t succumbed to his threats. That I had the courage to report him. There are many regrets in life and this one is something I don’t wish upon young gullible girls like I was.
My advice to young girls: Walk away if you are uncomfortable in any situation. You don’t have to crave into pressure. There are plenty of jobs out there and losing your dignity and body over it is not worth it. Learn to love yourself.
*As told to Kally from someone who wishes to be anonymous.
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God bless you for telling your story and allowing the hope of preventing others from getting trapped into the same situation, and giving courage to those who are already trapped to leave their situation. Praying for you. God loves you!
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Thank you for the encouraging comment and the prayers. Her story will raise awareness for so many people.
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Praise God! ❤
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You are brave enough, otherwise you can’t share your experience.
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Thank you on her behalf for the support and encouragement.
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Welcome
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Gosh! I felt sorry for her and for her desperation. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Hugs! The editor was nasty. *For girls feeling uncomfortable or suspicious of your supervisor’s wrongdoings, please record the conversation so that it can serve as evidence in court. I just came out of a manipulative friendship situation and was lucky to have kept evidences of verbal abuse. I will publicly humiliate the offender if I need to do so. With the evidence at hand, I will keep him on his toes or taunt him if he overstep his boundaries again.
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Thank you for sharing your abused experiences with us. I’m sure you must felt betrayed and hurt by this horrible friendship. Big hugs. I hope you have recovered from it and grow into a much stronger person. 🙂
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HR simply said this wasn’t hid first victim? What on earth was the guy still doing there.
This story is EXACTLY I do anything to avoid HR!
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Seriously, the HR wasn’t just doing her job. Otherwise, many victims could be saved.
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Que Dieu te protège Kally et que ta famille soit toujours près de toi.
Bisous d’amitié. ❤
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Thank you so much for your blessing, Louis. Likewise same to you, send my best wishes to your loved ones.
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You are such a BRAVE lady sharing your story! From my point of view, every lesson we receive in our life is for learning to love ourselves. Nobody can do it as long as we do not do it for ourselves! I wish you all the best and thank you for your courage!
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The whisperer will be encouraged by your words. Thank you for being supportive to a bully victim.
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Prevention is better than cure!
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I agree with that.
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Dear friend in Christ,
Consider this: LEARNING from our mistakes{which ALL of us have made} is a form of PRAYER.
Sharing our goofs can be and IS in this case a work of charity!
Thank you so very much,
May God Guide our paths,
Partick
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Thank you for your prayers, Patrick.
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Reblogging this to my sister site Success Inspirers World
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A shame this still happens.
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Yes, what a shame. But more and more people are opening up their abusive experiences and hopefully, bullies will get exposed.
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Your friend was very brave for telling that story. It’s stories like this unfortunately that remind you some of the world must be taken with caution.
It’s important to note your friend shouldn’t feel bad, shouldn’t feel ashamed, and shouldn’t feel like she let herself down.
She was put in an abusive situation by an abusive person, who took advantage of her in so many ways.
Your friend is strong, and will continue to grow stronger. No matter what happens to her, she’s moving forward, away from this horrible experience. By sharing it, she may provide advice to others who can gain their strength from it to. By standing up, being heard and talking about it, hopefully we can move towards a day where these kinds of abusers no longer exist. And the fear that day, will belong to them.
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Thank you so much for sharing your support and your words will mean a lot to her and as well as those who are and was a victim. Sadly, sometimes others may judge her harshly and says she probably deserves it because she did not report his wrongdoings.
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perfectly said, Dalriada Highlander
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Well Written, well said you are brave to tell the tale. Many of us have been that naive young lady, just wanting to pursue our dream job. You are not alone. Cheers
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Thank you Kelly for your supportive and encouraging words. I believe these comments means the world to her when she reads it.
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Tell her to stay strong.
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I will, Kelly. A big hug for being so generous.
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Awwe thanks, Hugs back at you
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Buona domenica
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This is so real, I think it relates to many situations all over
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Yes it does. Workplace abuse is very real.
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Oh Kally! Thank you for sharing your story – reading it may give another female the courage to walk away from an uncomfortable situation and avoid sexual abuse. I am sending big hugs for you as it took such courage to write and publish this one, I’m sure xo
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Hi Christy, it’s not actually my story. It is on behalf of a friend and she did take it very hard to tell me her story. When she was confiding in me with permission to republish her experiences, she broke down a lot of times. The courage is all hers.
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Oh I see – sorry for misunderstanding, Kally. Please can you pass along my comment to her to read? HUGS to you both.
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No need for sorrys. Big hugs to you for your supportive words. She’s reading the comments everyday and I know it is a huge encouragement for her to know that she is not at fault.
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Kally, many thanks for publishing this – I much admiration for this woman who turned something truly awful into a strength to help others. we should all be so fortunate to learn so brilliantly from our mishaps
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We are thinking much alike. She is very courageous to tell her story so that awareness is raised. Too many of our youths are in danger of workplace abuse because they unable to identify and differentiate bullying tactics.
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there’s naivete, there’s inexperience — & there’s desperation at any age, which is always corrosive to decision making. this story is also good at illustrating how when one encounters someone one so evil spirited, there’s nothing to guarantee that they’ll even keep their word…
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Such a knucklehead would get a hard life lesson, if anyone in my circle heard about it. He was 12 years younger, in this account, than I am now. No one in our age group needs to be with a woman in her twenties, or thirties, for that matter.
Last night, I watched an episode of the American TV show, Blue Bloods. The young granddaughter, 21 years old, is physically assaulted by her 30-something boss, trying to kiss her with a passion. She shoves him away and hollers, “I said NO!” Then, she takes her laptop and leads a walk-out of three other women. THAT alone will put a stop to such nonsense, over time.
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Workplace abuse and bullies are happening everywhere. Kudos to blue blood trying to raise awareness too.
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As for me, I would have give the bully a right slap across the face for being suggestive.
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A courageous and well-written story! We are hearing more and more of such stories. Such bullies should be exposed and shamed. Why is it that the victim is the one who is ashamed most of the time?
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Yes, bullies should be punished severely but sadly, in the workplace not many will speak out about being bullied because their job is at stake.
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A lesson which everybody should consider while succumbing to the pressures of an immoral person. Although everybody gets the returns of his or her Karmic action should never be forgotten. That unethical and immoral person must have got what he did.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
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My pleasure ma’am. :))
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It is really scary to be in that situation – people don’t realise how hard it is to walk out. I was fortunate my partner dealt with it but as clearly demonstrated not everyone has this option
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Thank you for your encouragement and comment. It is easy to be caught up in the situation and not knowing where and who to seek help.
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So sorry you had to go through that…. but happy you wrote about it hopefully this will give someone the courage to not let this happen to them or stop it. Hugs
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Thank you for this encouraging message that I will forward to the storyteller.
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This is heartbreaking to read. I hurt for this victim as a read these words. The confusion, the frustration, and the pain she must have felt. It angers me when people can read stories like this and say things like, “She should have just said no.” “She could have walked out.” In situations like this, young women are conditioned to respond with respect and submission, and the option of “walking out,” seems impossible. We don’t want to offend anyone, so we stay.
I’m so glad she was brave enough to share her story. Hopefully, this experience, and other shared experiences like it, will help future young professionals across the world. When we shed light on these heartbreaking experiences, we can empower others and prevent it from happening again.
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Thank you, Kelsey for sharing your thoughts with us. She took a long time to heal and as it is, the healing is not completed yet. She mustered a lot of strength to even confess to our group of close friends because she know she needs to talk about it and not hide it in order to move past this horrid experience. The worst part was that she truly feared that she will lose her job and be ridiculed for being weak. This thought torment her for a year before she broke through it and start thinking positively.
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Bonjour ou Bonsoir mes amies , amis
J’aime venir parfumer ton joli blog
Avec un parfum qui vient du cœur
Mon plus beau parfum de l’amitié
Pour embellir notre vie
Rien de tel que des amies et amis
Ce parfum qui fait mon bonheur
Je te l’offre avec mon coeur
En te souhaitant une excellente journée ou soirée
Avec un champ de Roses parfumés
Gros Bisous
Bernard
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Ah thank you Bernard for the beautiful poem. Big hugs.
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Great post,Kally! I loved your honest and bold confession! you had the guts to do it!
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It’s actually not my confession. It was told to me anonymously and given permission to share with others on my blog.
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But thank you so much for reading it and leaving me a comment.
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Ah! Ah! Thats ok!
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Kally, Really a great piece. Today, this is a problem that seems to not have a solution. With many of the Me Too, situations the same theme seems to ring clear with the experience. ” the love of the income as opposed to self-respect. Please do not think that I am being unkind or judgemental. This re-occurring behavior lends itself to a learning experience. We tend to tell ourselves that we can handle it, when in fact quite the contrary. I admire your courage to share what seems to be a dear friend’s account. In all these cases we need to pray for the healing and guidance to move forward.
Thank you
John
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Thank you, John for your thoughts. By sharing this article is meant to create awareness much more than jumping the #metoo bandwagon since the victim is choosing to remain anonymous but I do get what you meant.
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Sorry seem to click sent before the reply to your comment is completed.
The courage is all hers (the storyteller) that she is willing to share not only with me but with the rest of us here. I’m pleased to say that she is healing and she strongly believes that she’ll move past this one day.
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I was stalked and sexually harassed by my boss when I was a newscaster and radio DJ at KXOA in Sacramento. That creep never left me alone. I sued the station and the company that owned it and bought myself a beautiful house. I also started a non profit women’s support group. I am the first person in the history of broadcasting to file a lawsuit and win against radio station for sexual harassment and wrongful termination. I was just 25 at the time. No regrets!
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Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, Connie! I must say you have been through a terrible time, from the moment you are abused to the end when you finally had closure. Big hugs for being brave and courageous. You are one role model that I’ll look up to. Would you like to share your experiences in detail in a guest post here? If you do, please get in touch with me at Kally@MiddleMe.net.
Thank you so much for standing up and fighting for what’s right.
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I would be honored to be a guest blogger here. Lets do it!
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Awesome!! Please do email me your story in either a Word doc or directly in the email. And a short bio on yourself so I can link your website. No limits to number of words. 😊 And no deadline.
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I think her colleagues are to blame too. If any of them had befriended her and checked she was okay she would have had someone to speak to and empowered her to stop it sooner rather than feeling alone and persevering. It is a sad story and the saddest part is I bet there are other stories like this too. Hopefully this story will inspire victims to speak out and by standers to step up.
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Thank you, Alison for sharing your thoughts. I think many of her colleagues saw her as an intern and probably didn’t waste time to know her. Or maybe deep down some of them already kinda predict what’s going to happen since she is not the first victim. Some of them might be a part victim by the same abuser. Hopefully with this story, victims will protect themselves and know that they are not alone in this kind of situation.
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That took courage to write. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you for dropping us your comment.
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Good for you for being brave enough to share your experiences. Now let’s hope readers are smart enough to learn from this and not think they are somehow “different”
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Reblogged this on Alessandria today.
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Reblogged this on Happiness Between Tails by da-AL and commented:
Guest Blog Post: “Whisper: I Slept With My Bully” by Kally
This tragic story, retold by blogger Kally, is all the sadder because the young woman to whom it happened blames herself for what isn’t her fault. To heal, she recounts it to us so that the same thing doesn’t happen to others…
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just reblogged this — hope you enjoy how it looks on my site, Kally, & that it brings you lots of new visitors 🙂
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Reblogged this on A Pause for Nature and commented:
I found a very good post today and it’s worth sharing. So here I am reblogging this. This is a must read.
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Thank you for sharing this out and welcome to MiddleMe
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Thank you Kally!
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It is extremely hard to know what to do when you’re fresh out of school and it’s your first real job. What is it with male bosses and their female workers? It’s like they’ve got a legal license to abuse women – it has to change.
My experience wasn’t so intense as yours and I’m going back 30+ years, so it really saddens me to no end that nothing has changed.
It was my first real job after leaving high school (although I did hold 3 interim part-time jobs whilst at school, without any issues). I only lasted 3 months at this ‘real’ job as this time was all it took for the owner to start chasing me around the store trying to grab my breasts and other parts of my body. The previous 2 months, I’d put up with sexual innuendos, which I brushed off as a joke – naive. I walked out then and there, and vowed never to return or put up with that sort of BS again. I later heard that he’d employed another young female and did the same thing but she also refused.
At least you’ve been courageous enough to share your experience with others to educate, even though it’s emotionally traumatic for you. Women don’t need and should not have to put up with this behaviour.
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it take courage to share your story which also trenched you every time you remember it.
God bless you,please don’t fell regret it is past now.just love yourself and feel brave as you are preventing other young girls by sharing this.
Kally -I love your whisper column as it gives us chance to connect with alike people around and feel happy,sad,crazy,loved n a lot at same time.
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Thank you so much. I do Whisper when I met people who told me crazy stories and they said they wanted an outlet to vent. They said they wanted to get their stories out there without facing prejudice and wanted anyone who is in similar position to know that they are not alone.
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Your friend is so brave to share this account. Her testimony will give so many women a lot of strength. Raising awareness about these issues is so important.
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Thank you Kally, for helping this victim to share her feelings anonymously. This is a harsh reality of many fields, and it must stop. After knowing about such things, it makes me feel like the #MeToo Movement was necessary, and needs to have a legal impact to prevent employers or colleagues from doing something like this.
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Thank you for your support, Darsh. Yes, I agree with you and we need to do more at preventing workplace abuse.
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You’re welcome, Kally. I hope one day this will all be a thing of the past!
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